How to Break Up with Your Middle School Boyfriend Considerately

Making Your Decision

Decide whether breaking up is the best idea or not. While this may seem easy, a lot of thought needs to be put into this decision. If you break up with them, you've ended it, and you'll look foolish if you decide you were wrong and go running back to them. If your boyfriend ditches you for his friends, if you like someone else, if he texts you all the time but won't talk to you in person, or if you simply feel uncomfortable with him, it's time for the relationship to end. But if he's just been frustrating this week, then maybe you should hold on a little longer and see if it improves. You may want to break up with your friend because of communication issues. It may cause trust issues, poor conflict resolution, and misunderstandings. You may feel a lack of attention and affection. It may lead to resentment, arguments, and even infidelity. Or you may separate due to differing goals and aspirations.

Think it through. Once you make the decision, you can't go back. Try to think about it, hard, for at least a week before you break up (unless you sense that it is turning into an abusive relationship. Then, as hard as it may be, you need to tell someone and get help). Only ask friends for help if they know a lot about your relationship and are really close with you.

Observe some common courtesy. Never break up with someone before their birthday, Valentine's Day, the winter holidays, or even your birthday, as they may have bought an expensive present.

Decide on a date and stick with it.

Before the Breakup

Slowly slope off answering calls and texts as you approach the dreaded date. You don't want to make him think your decision was out of the blue.

Start asking for your stuff back, if he has any. Only ask for an item or two at a time. You'll be able to get the rest back after you've broken up, unless you are in a long-distance relationship. If your boyfriend lives far away, ask him during your breakup on the phone if he will mail your items back.

If you're going to ask people for advice on how to break up, be decent and only talk to people you trust. Don't ask anyone untrustworthy as they will spread the word that you're planning to break up. Only ask close, trusted friends. Keep the number of people you talk to to a minimum. Three is a good number.

Don't give him the cold shoulder prior to breaking up. This may cause him to dump you before you can break up with him.

Breaking Up

Break up in person, unless you are in a long-distance relationship. If you're in a long-distance relationship, call your significant other (tips for breaking up over the phone are given below). Never break up over a text message or social media. The worst possible way is to change your Facebook status to "single" and wait for them to find out.

Don't do it at school. If possible, do it somewhere public but quiet, like a park, so you can say what you need to say and then leave, texting an adult when the conversation is over to come pick you up. However, do not make it seem like a date. That is just getting his hopes up.

Never start the conversation with "I need to talk to you" or "I think I might want to break up with you." These suggest that you're willing to talk about it. Saying, "I need to tell you something" is more definitive and final, because you're telling him your decision and not allowing yourself to be talked out of it. It's not going to be a discussion or a debate.

Be straightforward. Tell him in your own words not that you want to break up, but that you actively ARE breaking up with him. An acceptable line is "Our relationship isn't working anymore."

Give him reasons why, but only if he asks. Chances are, you just don't feel for him anymore, in which case you can tell him he's a good guy but he's not right for you. If you have a reason, such as he texts you all the time but ignores you in school, or sometimes he makes you sad with things he says, tell him gently. Do not get too into it or act like it is a joy to bring up his faults in the relationship.

Don't feel that you need to comfort him. The relationship is over and his feelings aren't your responsibility anymore, no matter how harsh that sounds. If you've made mistakes in the relationship, bring them up and say that it wasn't just his fault that the relationship petered out. However, don't make him feel like he should be comforting you. Just as it isn't your responsibility to comfort him, it isn't his responsibility to comfort you.

Do not suggest that you remain friends unless you and he are breaking up amicably and he understands your reasoning. No matter how many times you've heard it in a book: "We can still be friends, though," it isn't a good idea until a few months have passed and you've blown off some steam.

Tell him you hope he understands, but do not apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.

Don't drag out the conversation. Say what you need to say and then part ways. Talking for an hour about what an awful boyfriend he was will only cause hard feelings.

If You Do It Over The Phone

Call him when you know he is home and awake.

If it goes to voicemail, you're lucky. You can tell him what you need to tell him without awkward pauses or silences.

Say that you need to tell him something.

Tell him you are breaking up with him and tell him why.

As stated earlier, it is not your responsibility to comfort him extensively. Saying mildly comforting things is okay.

When you're finished, hang up.

After The Breakup

Forget about him for at least a month. Spend time with family and friends. Focus on school. Pick up a hobby. Ignore his texts and calls as they may be asking to get back together. If his constant texts or calls are overwhelming, block his number.

If you didn't ask for all of your stuff back before you broke up, ask him for the items he still has. He shouldn't have any problem giving them to you.

Don't spread the news, but if someone asks, tell them the truth. Saying "we decided together that our relationship wasn't working," is a lie, and he's not going to appreciate it. Tell people (only if they ask), "I broke up with him," and end it there.

Expect unfriendliness from some. You're going to get a few angry comments or stares from his closest friends. Ignore them. If there are threats, report them to the principal.

Expect a sense of loss. It is normal to miss your ex after you've broken off the relationship. Don't allow yourself to go back to him unless you agree that you are both ready.

Look for someone else, if you're interested. If you're not, that's okay. You've got your whole life ahead of you.