Ponder what actually embarrasses you. Do you get embarrassed over a few off-color jokes they tell or does their shrill laugh at an intimate cocktail party make the small hairs on the back of your neck stand on end? In order to successfully date someone who may embarrass you, you have to come to terms with what exactly mortifies you. Physical features. Perhaps no one has told your significant other that the 1980s were a few decades ago or a solid hair washing isn’t a priority. Some physical or style features that may not bother one person may be appalling to another. Personality. From dating a “close talker” to someone who drops the “f” bomb like candy, some aspects of their personality may be pushing you over the edge. Social interaction. Some folks act differently in social situations. For example, during a cocktail party, your date may ask inappropriate questions or get just a little too hammered at your office holiday party. Education/worldliness. The fact that your honey didn’t realize that they were still fighting in West Asia embarrasses you or their grammar isn’t quite up to snuff.
Consider whether these qualities truly are embarrassing. If you really like this person, think about whether these qualities are really all that disconcerting. Could it be you, not them? Could you be approaching the relationship like a teenager? To many teens, literally “everything” and “everyone” is completely embarrassing and you may finding fault in just about everything they do. Is this something that perhaps only you find to be embarrassing? In some cases, you may be the only one who is embarrassed that your date isn’t a snappy dresser or loves to dye their hair purple on occasion. Take an honest look at what is really embarrassing and whether you could be too sensitive.
Come to terms with the “embarrassing” traits or qualities. If you are going to continue dating this person you are either going to have to embrace the traits that make you cringe or end the relationship. Think of the trait as endearing. So they mix plaids and stripes, or leave the house looking like a homeless person---it’s part of their personality and likely part of the reason why you fell for them. Ignore the behavior or trait. If they laugh too loudly at movies or wear funny hats resign yourself to ignoring and just enjoying their company. Why get upset or uncomfortable due to a little quirk? Excuse yourself from situations where the behavior or trait rears it’s head. If you just can’t move past it, leave the room or excuse yourself for a few minutes to collect yourself. So when you hear them tell the joke about the jackass, the teacher and the plumber again…you know it’s time to make a graceful exit.
Figure out if the embarrassing aspect is something you can talk about together. Perhaps if they knew something they did embarrassed you, something could be done to minimize or eliminate the behavior or trait. Have you been dating long enough to be totally honest? Of course if you’ve been dating only a short time, you may want to hold off on a talk. However, if you know each other well, take some time to tell them how you feel, but do so in a private setting. Can you present your position without sounding like a jerk? Telling someone that they are embarrassing isn’t the easiest (or the nicest) thing to do. Consider if you can approach your partner about the matter without coming off sounding shallow or mean. Try to determine if your partner would automatically take offense to a discussion or may be open to hearing how you feel. Does your squeeze tend to be defensive about certain things or may be open to hearing what you have to say? It may not even be worth telling your partner about how you feel if it will only result in a fight or hurt feelings.
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