Looking for a Good Person
Look for someone who is kind. One of the most important things when looking for the girl for you is making sure that your girl is kind. A sassy attitude is one thing but someone who does not care about the feelings of others won't be able to sustain a healthy relationship for very long. Also kind to others. It's important that she's not just kind to you. She should also be kind to others, especially people that she doesn't have to be nice to (like service workers). It's easy enough for someone to fake being nice when they think that it's important, but being rude to people they don't care about should tip you off that you're one fight away from her being rude to you too. This also means that she should be fair. Fairness is very important in relationships. Does she offer to pay for things every now and again? Does she split chores and relationship responsibilities evenly? This shows that she thinks about your well being, which is key in a relationship.
Look for someone who works hard. You want to be with someone who's willing to work for what they want in life. They should push themselves, at least occasionally. When someone works hard, that means that they will be stable and that there will be fewer chances for things to go wrong. For example, if she wants to buy a purse, she should be selling some of her old stuff. She should not just expect you or her parents to just buy it for her. Birthdays and gift holidays are obvious exceptions, however.
Expect a girl with good values and priorities. Having a girl with good values and priorities is very important in relationships. Her values and priorities don't have to match up with what's traditionally considered good but they should match up with your value system and your priorities. There are occasional exceptions though. Your girl should definitely: Be honest. Honesty is incredibly important in relationships, no matter what kind of people you are and what kind of relationship you have. Relationships require trust and if she isn't honest with you, then you can only expect problems in the future. Accept people for who they are, including you. If your girl is judgmental of others, it could only be a matter of time before she's judging you too. If she is judgmental of you or constantly seeks to change who you are or what you look like, you deserve better and she is probably not the one for you. Look for shared values and priorities. "I used to just focus on common interests with the girls I dated. But this article emphasized finding someone with similar values and priorities, too. I realized my ex and I didn't match up fundamentally, even though we liked the same music. Now I know what to look for in a real partner." - Andre G. Find someone who brings out your best self. "I never considered if someone was helping me become a better person. But after reading this, I reflected on how my girlfriend doesn't actually encourage me to achieve goals or improve myself. I want to be with someone who motivates me to grow." - Julian H. Seek mutual trust and respect. "Past relationships were very judgmental, which killed trust. This article reminded me how crucial it is to find someone who allows me to be vulnerable and accepts me fully. I now prioritize emotional safety when getting to know someone new." - Jeremy S. Look for a true partner in life. "I used to just date people I was attracted to without thinking long-term. But this made me realize the importance of finding a real partner who shares responsibilities and works as hard on the relationship as I do. Those things make love last." - Rahul J. Did you know that wikiHow has collected over 365,000 reader stories since it started in 2005? We’d love to hear from you! Share your story here.
Look for a girl who creates an environment of trust, free of judgement. When you're around her, you should feel like you're in a place where you can be honest. You should feel like you can be yourself around her. You should feel like you can cry, be really dorky, and should make you feel like you can do all of the things that you don't normally do in front of other people. For example, if you tell her something deeply personal (like you think you're depressed or that you want to be an astronaut), her response should not be to laugh at you or shut you down. She should try to help you, or at least not discourage you, even if she doesn't agree.
Looking for a Good Partner
Pay attention to how she makes you feel. How she makes you feel is an important factor in deciding if she's the one. You should feel better when you're with her, about yourself and about life. You should feel more confident and happy. You should miss her when she's gone. She should not make you feel weak or stupid. She shouldn't make you feel anxious or worried about saying or doing the wrong thing all the time. Being with her should feel natural and good. Some people like to be with someone who makes them feel bad, angry, or excited in bad ways. That's okay for short term flings but it's usually a good sign that someone is not the "one" for you. Relationships like that rarely work in the long term and you're signing yourself up for too much trouble to consider the girl to be the one for you.
Want a girl who makes you a better person. When we're in relationships, we should be with someone who makes us better. If you're with someone who makes you a worse person, then what's the point, right? Think about whether this girl makes you better. If she does, that can be a huge sign that she's the one for you. Does she encourage you do improve yourself and your life? Does she find ways to help you achieve your goals? Does she make you want better things for your future? Does she make you want to work hard? These are all good things.
Look for a girl who puts as much effort into the relationship as you do. When two people are in a relationship, they should both be willing to invest equally in making the relationship as good and fulfilling as possible. If she wants you to do everything and make all sorts of changes but isn't willing to doing anything herself, that's not a very good sign. But if she is willing to put as much effort in as you, then that's a sign that things can really work. For example, she should occasionally plan dates for the two of you, instead of you always having to come up with everything. This doesn't mean that she has to be super active in the relationship. If you're both relaxed in your approach to being together, that's fine too. The more important thing is that your attitudes and needs are the same.
Pay attention to how she shows her appreciation. You don't want to be with someone who takes you for granted. Pay attention to if she thanks you or shows her gratitude in some way when you do something nice for her. You should also try to notice if she does nice things for you on occasion, just to show how much she cares about you. Even if the things she does for you are small, that's okay. Not everyone has time or money to make big gestures. But doing small things, like making your favorite meal or writing you a love note, shows that she thinks about you and wants to show you how much you mean to her.
Expect that she's willing to share responsibility. If you two are older and have living situations of your own, like an apartment or house, you should notice if she's willing to split chores and finances evenly or at least fairly. This shows that she is fair, hard working, and honest. If she's not willing to contribute in her own way, then she will probably be too much of a burden in the long run. Sometimes splitting things fairly might not mean splitting them evenly. For example, if you're sharing an apartment, you shouldn't split the rent down the middle. Instead, each person should only be contributing about 30% of their income, which is considered the financially responsible amount. That means if you make $4000 a month and she makes $1600 a month, you should be contributing $1200 and she should be contributing about $500.
Consider finding someone who balances you out. Having things in common is very important in a partner. You want to be with someone who's similar to you in certain ways. However, there is something to be said for being with someone who's different in certain ways too. This lets you contribute to the relationship equally simply by being yourselves. For example, maybe you're organized but shy and she's spacey but outgoing. She can help you learn to be more social and you can help her keep her life in order.
Look for someone who fights fair. Fights in relationships happen. This is normal and can be a sign of a healthy relationship. However, you want someone who fights with you in a fair way. She shouldn't insult you or go for the low blow: that is a serious sign of disrespect. She also shouldn't blackmail you into getting her way. Instead, you want to look for a girl who is willing to have a discussion until you can both come to a compromise. For example, she shouldn't bring up your father's drinking problem every time you fight about you staying out late. That is unfair to you and has little impact on the problem in your relationship.
Looking for a Kindred Spirit
Look for a girl who shares your interests. You want someone with whom you can do activities, so you'll easily be able to spend time together. You want someone who you can have a conversation with. Choosing a girl with similar interests is crucial in making sure that neither of these things are a problem in the future. You start your relationship with things in common or you can build common interests over time. Try taking up new hobbies together in order to build new interests. One good example of a hobby to try as a couple is learning a language.You can find free language classes online or you can take a course at your local community center or school.
Want someone who shares your value and priorities. The person who you choose to be with should share your values and priorities. This is one of the defining features of someone who is right for you. They don't need to be the "normal" values or priorities, but they should be the same as yours. This will prevent tension and conflict as you go through a relationship. For example, if she's a hardcore conservative and you're very liberal, you're going to encounter a lot of philosophical differences that can, over time, make you respect each other less. However, if you can find common ground even between different values and priorities, you can sometimes make it work. You see this, for example, in couples with different religions. One might be Jewish and one might be Christian, but they're both devout in their love to God and that is enough for them. Sometimes the fundamental belief is more important than the details.
Look for a girl that has similar goals. You should have similar goals in life, if you plan on making this a very long-term relationship. It's okay for specific goals to change over time but the broad strokes should match up. This is because your goals will put you on a particular path in life, just like hers will determine her path. If your paths diverge, the relationship will be very difficult or even impossible. For example, it's okay if she doesn't plan on pursuing higher education if that is something that is also unimportant to you. However, if education and ambition are things that are important to you, you will find your relationship filled with challenges.
Find a girl who understands your friends and has good friends herself. The two of you won't be the only players in this relationship. The relationships that you have with other people often play a major role in making a romantic relationship work. You want a girl who can interact with and respect your friends. Similarly, her friends should be people that you can coexist with. For example, if her friends are really catty and always try to get her to spend less time with you, you should expect that there will be a very bumpy road ahead of you. You'll have to determine what you want to do about this kind of problem. If these problems weigh too heavily on your relationship and she isn't willing to work on the problem, you might need to consider someone else. Certainly, you should talk to her about it and see what kind of solution the two of you can create though.
Consider a girl who has a similar background or experiences. Now, this isn't a requirement to a happy relationship, but it can certainly be a major added bonus. People that grew up in similar environments or have done similar sorts of things in their life tend to understand each other better, think in similar ways, and have more to bond over. If your girl's life looks much like your own, it can make certain things easier in your relationship. For example, maybe you both grew up with difficult siblings or family members. While someone who didn't might have a hard time understanding why you don't want to go home for the holidays, someone who did might be perfectly happy to make your holiday happier by keeping it just the two of you.
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