Preparing Yourself
Talk to your teacher. Before you tell your parents, it might be helpful to meet with your teacher to discuss where you have gone wrong with the material and if there is any way to improve your score. If there isn't, ask your teacher for advice on how to improve your performance in the future. Simply approach your teacher after class, and say something like: “Hi, Ms. Guardiola, can I talk to you about my last exam?” Also, inquire about the possibility of doing extra credit to make up for your poor score. Having this feedback from your teacher will help you explain the situation to your parents and offer you possible ways to address the situation.
Take steps to address the issue before speaking to your parents. Besides figuring out how to tell your parents about your score, you should figure out what you are going to do to address it. Speaking with your teacher is good preparation for this since they can help you identify what options you have and steer you on the right path for the future. For instance, you can plan to earn a few points back through extra credit work and attend the after-school review sessions hosted by the English Club. To make a good plan, you should know what exactly went wrong. Was it simply that you didn’t understand a particular formula? Were you distracted by a personal issue or competing obligation? Did you not study as much as you should have? Take some time to reflect so that you can be sure your strategies will fix it.
Practice what you will say. If you’re worried about how to tell your parents about your score, take time to practice first. You can confide in a stuffed animal or talk to yourself in front of the mirror. Either way, having some sense of what you will say and how you will say it ahead of time can be very helpful in the moment. For example, you might try out ways to broach the subject, such as: “Mom, I’ve been struggling a lot lately in Biology, and I failed the unit test we had last week,” or, “I got a D on my Trigonometry exam...I’ve already talked to Mr. Williams about it, and he recommended a tutor and agreed to let me do enough extra credit to bring up my score by one letter grade.” Practice until you’re able to talk about yourself positively, as a positive self-image can give you confidence. For instance, instead of saying, “This test proves I’m a failure,” reframe the thought to, “This test proves that I need to work harder on certain concepts.”
Breaking the News
Tell your parents sooner rather than later. It will look like you’re being dishonest or trying to cover up your grade if you wait two weeks to tell them about your score. Try to get it out of the way within a few days of getting the news. Getting it off your chest will make you feel better, too. Your parents may also be able to help you rectify the situation by giving you support and advice. The sooner you tell them, the more likely they are to be able to help.
Pick a good moment. If you approach them when they're already stressed or angry, they'll be less likely to react well. Try a calm, family time when your parents aren’t distracted by other concerns, such as during or immediately following dinner or when you’re out on a dog walk or have just parked the car. If test scores and grades are a frequent concern, try agreeing on a designated time each week when you can talk to your parents about how you’re doing in school.
Set the tone. If you’re worried about how your parents will respond, start the conversation by directly communicating what you would like from them. If you are calm and direct and act like an adult, your parents are more likely to do the same. You can say, “I’d like to talk to you about my score on the last Chemistry test. It’s kind of hard to talk about, but it’ll be easier if you’re patient and hear me out.” Alternatively, you could try something like: “I got a bad grade on my French exam. Before you respond, can you give me a few minutes to explain the situation and how I’m going to address it?”
Take responsibility. It’s fine to honestly explain the factors that contributed to your score, such as having a basketball tournament suck up your study time. However, your parents are probably less interested in excuses than in how you are going to improve the next time around. Taking responsibility for your performance will give your parents proof that you have thought about what went wrong and are ready to learn from your mistakes. Being up-front about what went wrong will also communicate to your parents that you realize you are responsible for your own education and academic achievement. In other words, they don’t need to give you a lecture about it. For example, you might say, “I was very busy with rehearsals, but I know that studying should be my top priority,” or, “I knew that I didn’t have that particular formula down, so I should have gone to the teacher or a tutor for extra help before the test.”
Express disappointment. If you tell your parents that you’re disappointed with yourself, they’re more likely to sympathize with you. They may also be less inclined to express any disappointment they may feel since you’re already feeling guilty. Try saying something like, “I’m so disappointed with my score; I’ve been upset about it all day,” or, “I feel terrible about failing the test; sorry for letting myself and you down.”
Promise to try for a better score next time. Now it’s time to unveil your strategy for self-improvement. Explain the ways that you intend to bring up your grades in that subject. Your parents should be impressed that you have a plan. For instance, you could say, “I’m going to do my best to get a better grade on the next exam. I plan on spending more time on my homework, studying with my friend Lisa who got an A on the last test, and doing extra-credit assignments to make up some of the points I lost.” You can also show that you respect their experience and know-how by seeking their advice and feedback about your plan. Just ask questions like: “Does that sound like a good way to improve my scores?” or, “Do you have any recommendations for how I can do better in the future?”
Put it into perspective. A bad score can seem overwhelming, but it’s just one test. Offer an honest explanation of how this score will impact your overall performance in the class. Reminding them and yourself about the positives can also help put this one incident into perspective. Take time to call up all the good things that are happening with your education. For instance, you might say: “I struggled with this test, but I did really well on the last two,” or, “I missed all the questions about one particular theory but got full points for all the others.”
Accept their response graciously. It’s possible that your parents may lecture you to instill the importance of good grades or punish you to show that getting poor scores has consequences. If you willingly accept their reasonable advice and punishments without anger or whining, it will show that you’ve learned your lesson. Then there is a better chance they'll forgive you quicker than if you get angry about your punishment. It may even help to suggest what you feel is an appropriate punishment, such as: “How about if I stop playing video games during the week until my scores have improved in Trigonometry?”
Following Up
Implement your strategy. Your parents won’t be very impressed if your promises and plans were empty. You have a plan for addressing your bad score, now it’s time to act on it. Do so in a timely manner so that you can get your studies back on track. If you don’t follow through, it will suggest that you have not taken responsibility and that you cannot be trusted. Both will make it more difficult to tell your parents about a bad score in the future.
Study. Rectify your past mistakes by amping up your studying. Inform your parents of when and how you are studying or study in front of them so that they can see you’re committed to getting a better score next time.
Seek help. Show your parents that you are dedicated to improving future scores by going to study groups or sessions, meeting with your teacher, and/or getting tutoring through your school or an outside organization. If necessary, you can ask your parents to help you arrange a private tutor in the subject to ensure that you have the support you need to improve. Start the conversation with your parents by saying something like: “I would really like to improve my grade in German, but I’m still struggling. I think it might help if I got some one-on-one tutoring. Would you be willing to help me find a tutor and pay for a few sessions?”
Involve your parents. If your parents are worried about your grades, suggest ways that they could help you to improve your scores. That way, they know that you’re working hard and can share some of the responsibility. For instance, you may ask them to help you study for the next exam by quizzing you with flashcards. All you have to do is say, “Dad, do you have a minute to help me review for my American History exam?”
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