What Does It Mean When She Cancels but Tries to Reschedule?

• If the girl doesn’t usually cancel (or if this was your first date), give her the benefit of the doubt: life may have just intervened.
• Accept her cancellation graciously, and try not to take it personally: the fact that she rescheduled is likely a sign she really does want to go out.
• If she cancels often, she may not be super invested in getting together, or she may just not realize how her behavior affects you. It may be worth it to tell her how you feel.

What does it mean if a girl cancels but tries to reschedule?

If she hasn't flaked before, life may have just intervened. Hey, it happens! Maybe she got sick, got overloaded with work, or had a family emergency. The fact that she’s interested in rescheduling indicates she does want to go out, and that canceling likely had nothing to do with you. If this was going to be your first date, it’s also possible she’s anxious about going out and just needs a little more time. If you’ve been texting or DM-ing, continue to do so in the days leading up to your rescheduled date: she may appreciate getting to know you better before meeting you in person. Most people will offer valid excuses (or at least make one up), so it's probably not worth it to weigh if her excuse is "legitimate" if this is her first time bailing. (On the off chance she offered up an objectively terrible excuse, like "I want to stay home and watch Game of Thrones," well...you might be better off without her.) Consider whether she seems apologetic—"I'm so sorry I can't make it!! But would you be able to do something Saturday night?" comes off a lot more sincere than "I have to bail. Try again next week?"—but it may be worth giving her the benefit of the doubt if you don't know her, at least this one time.

If she flakes a lot, she may not be super invested. If you’ve gone out with this girl a few times already and she’s canceled a few dates last-minute, it’s possible she’s not feeling it. It’s no excuse to flake, and it may be worth talking to her about it. She may also have a flakey personality. If she consistently bails but always reschedules, she may be invested in seeing you—she just may not realize how her behavior affects you.

If she doesn't set a firm makeup date, she may not be sincere. It's fair to expect the person who cancels to take responsibility for rescheduling. No matter how apologetic she sounds when she cancels, if she offers to reschedule but doesn’t set a firm date or follow up with you, it’s possible she's giving you the brush-off—or maybe it was sincere, but she's not super invested or available to date. You can follow up if she doesn’t set a makeup date in stone, and it might work out: this might just be a fluke occurrence. Maybe she thinks that after she offered to reschedule, it was up to you to pick a day. If she doesn't commit to your makeup date or bails again, it's a pretty red flag.

How to React when a Girl Cancels but Tries to Reschedule

Give her the benefit of the doubt if she doesn’t usually flake. If you don’t know her well or if she doesn’t usually flake, trust that she’s got a reason for bailing. Even the most considerate and prompt people have to cancel once in a while, and it’s possible that her canceling is a one-time thing. If she’s bailed at least 3 times, it may be worth it to text her to ask if something’s up or if she’s really invested in going out: “Hey Diana, I noticed you’ve canceled on our last few dates. I appreciate you rescheduling, but I just wanted to make sure everything is all right?” You may also consider telling her how her behavior makes you feel: “When you cancel last-minute, it makes me feel like you’re not very invested in hanging out. If that’s the case, I understand, but I’d appreciate knowing.”

Avoid prying into why she canceled. Most people will offer a reason for canceling, but if she doesn't, or if she doesn't go in depth ("I'm feeling sick" or "I got hung up at work"), be polite. Take her at her word when she says something came up, and don’t grill her on why she needs to bail. She’s entitled to her privacy, especially if you don’t know her very well. Give her space to address whatever’s going on in her life, and let her handle rescheduling your date. Even if you do know her well, don’t pry: she’s still entitled to privacy, and she’d likely tell you what was going on if she wanted to. Regardless of how well you know her, a polite text to say “I hope everything is OK” or even “Let me know if I can do anything” may go a long way—but avoid asking for specifics.

Be gracious. It’s no fun to be canceled on, especially by a date, and especially if it’s last-minute. Whether she cancels a week or an hour beforehand, try to be as understanding as you can about it and don’t make her feel bad. She probably already feels bad about canceling herself—and if she doesn’t, well, she’s probably not worth hanging out with. This doesn’t mean not sharing that you’re disappointed, but avoid getting accusatory or suspicious. Instead, say something like, “That’s really too bad! I hope we can make it work soon” or “I won’t lie, I’m disappointed! But I get it, things happen.”

Don’t take it personally. When someone cancels, especially a date, it’s tempting to internalize it and assume it’s about you: she must not like me or I must not be any good. But the reality is her canceling likely has nothing to do with you and isn’t a reflection on your worth—especially if she reschedules. Try not to take it personally. Reciting positive affirmations can help you take the cancellation in stride. Try saying, “It’s not about me. There are loads of reasons she might cancel,” or “I’m worthy of a great date.”

Go do something fun. Just because your date’s been canceled doesn’t mean you need to sit at home alone! Grab a few friends and go to the movies or out to dinner. Or have a fun solo night! If you’re prone to taking cancellations personally (who among us isn’t?), going out can help distract you and remind you there are other ways to have fun besides going out with this girl.

Key Takeaways

How to respond when a girl cancels depends on how well you know her. If a girl you’ve only recently met or haven’t met at all cancels on you, leave well enough alone, and trust that when she says she wants to reschedule, she wants to reschedule. Try not to be too invested in someone you’ve just met (or haven’t met). On the other hand, if a girl you’ve been going out with for a while cancels, you may know her well enough to ask if something’s up. In any case, know that someone canceling doesn’t reflect your value as a person—and most of the time, it’s not personal.