Funny Coffee Jokes
Drop a java-inspired dad joke to prompt a latte laughs. To come up with your own creative joke, play around with wordplay and coffee terminology. You could replace a word in a common phrase with “brew,” “grind,” “latte,” “mocha,” “decaf,” and other coffee-related terms. Here are some hilarious ideas to help you get started: What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy. How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap. What did the coffee lover name her son? Joe. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it! How do coffee beans propose? With a brew-tiful ring! What’s a coffee’s favorite dance move? The jitterbug. Where do birds go for a cup of joe? To the Nest-cafe. What type of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. What’s a coffee’s worst fear? Getting roasted in public. How does an IT person drink coffee? They install Java. What’s a coffee’s favorite Shakespeare play? Macbrew. How do you make a coffee float? You use heavy cream. What’s a coffee’s favorite movie genre? Mocha-mentary. What’s a coffee’s favorite romantic film? Groundhog Day. What’s big, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut. What’s a coffee’s favorite compliment? “You’re brew-tiful.” What did the coffee say to their date? Hey there, hot stuff! How do you make beef jerky? Give the cows some coffee. Why don’t snakes drink coffee? It makes them viper active. What’s a coffee’s favorite social media platform? Insta-grind. What’s a coffee bean’s favorite newspaper? The Daily Grind. What’s is called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging. What happens if you touch Dad’s coffee? You’ll be grounded. What did the coffee lover name their cats? Cream and Sugar. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated. How do coffee cups greet each other? With mugs and kisses. What’s a coffee bean’s favorite vacation destination? aRoma! What did one coffee bean say to the other? I brewlieve in you! What currency can you use to buy coffee in space? Starbucks. Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged. What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work? Break fluid. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor. Why did the coffee go to therapy? It had too much grind on its mind. What’s a coffee bean’s favorite thing to eat on Thanksgiving? Roast. Why do coffee beans never get in trouble? They always stay grounded. What do you call it when you steal someone’s coffee? A brew-tal crime. What is a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” How are coffee beans like teenagers? They’re always getting grounded. What do coffee beans say to their Valentines? “You keep me grounded.” How does a coffee say goodbye? It says, “I’ll catch you on the drip side.” Why did the coffee shop close for the day? Because a storm was brewing. What did the coffees say before their night out? Let’s stir up some trouble. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee. What is a coffee’s favorite Wham! Song? “Wake Me Up Before You Cocoa!” What do you call 2 coffee mugs sitting beside each other? A happy cup-ple. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool. What did one coffee pot say to the other? “Let me pour my heart out to you.” Why did the kangaroo stop drinking his cup of coffee? It made him too jumpy. What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw. What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee? A brew-haha. What did the director say at the end of the coffee commercial? That’s a frappe! How does a serial killer like his coffee? How he likes his women—all ground up. What’s a coffee’s favorite movie genre? Dramedy, because it’s a mix of dark and light. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before? Déjà brew. What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? “What’s Sumatra with you?” How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage? One person thinks it's grounds for divorce. What did the 2 coffee enthusiasts say when they got married? We’re meant to bean together. Why did it take the coffee bean so long to do its homework? Because it was procaffeinating. What happened when a person forgot to brew their friend a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Espresso Jokes
Perk up your day with an espresso-inspired joke. Espresso is small, strong, and full of flavor—qualities you can incorporate into your joke. Try highlighting what makes the drink so enjoyable and energizing, or think of words that are associated with “espresso.” Here are some jokes to im-press all your friends and family members: What’s a coffee’s favorite spell? Espresso Patronum! How is divorce like espresso? It’s bitter and expensive. What do you call an espresso after a bad day? Depresso. What’s an espresso’s favorite type of book? Short stories. What do you call an espresso that’s running late? A slow drip! Why should you be wary of a 5-cent espresso? It’s a cheap shot. What did the espresso say to the coffee bean? You crack me up. Why did the espresso keep checking its watch? It was pressed for time. What’s an espresso’s favorite karaoke song? “Don’t Stop Bean-leaving.” Why are espressos terrible at dating? They’re too intense for most people. Why did the espresso break up with the latte? It couldn’t handle all the froth. How do espressos greet each other? “Long time no steep! What’s brewing?” Why did the espresso break up with the coffee bean? It wasn’t their cup of tea. Why don’t espressos ever get into arguments? They know how to keep things smooth. Why did Sabrina Carpenter order an espresso? Because she needed something short and sweet! Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
Latte Jokes
These latte-related jokes are sweet, silly, and absolute perk-fection. “Latte” sounds similar to “lotta,” which opens a world of puns and jokes. You can also incorporate the distinct qualities of a latte, such as its milk, foam, or creaminess. Here are some latte-related jokes for inspiration: What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be! What’s an attorney’s favorite drink? A law-te. How does a coffee greet people? With a latte enthusiasm! What’s a coffee’s favorite dessert? Anything with a latte sugar. Why don’t coffee beans ever get tired? They have a latte energy. Why did the latte go to art school? To learn some brew-tiful designs. What’s a latte’s life motto? “Stay grounded and keep rising to the top!” What do you call 2 coffee mugs sitting beside each other? A latte love. What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never. What do you call a latte with a coffee drink with a great personality? A delatte. How do you know if you’ve found the perfect coffee house? They have a latte good seating. Why do lattes make great detectives? They always know how to get to the bottom of things. What did the 2 coffee loving best friends say to each other? Thanks a latte for being my friend. What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you? I’ve bean thinking about you a latte. What did the coffee say to the latte after they spilled hot milk on each other? “Hey, don’t mocha me angry!”
Barista Jokes
Brighten your day with a bold, brilliant, and brew-tiful barista joke. Focus on a barista’s role or incorporate coffee-related terms to craft a unique joke. You might frame your joke around taking orders, making drinks, or dealing with terrible customers. Or, weave in words like “grind,” “steep,” “press,” or “spilling the beans.” Here are some un-brew-lievably funny options: What’s a barista’s favorite game? Hide and steep. What did the gossiping baristas do? Spill the beans. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press. What’s a barista’s favorite programming language? Java. What do you call a barista with a magic touch? A brew-dini. What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind! Why was the barista fired? He kept showing up in a tea-shirt. How do baristas stay so fit? They do a lot of pressing and lifting. What is a barista’s favorite horror movie? The Grind of Your Life. Why did the barista get promoted? They were espresso-ly talented! How do baristas feel after a long day of work? Completely bean-ed out. What’s a barista’s favorite kind of weather? Anything with a light drizzle. What’s a barista’s favorite kind of movie? Anything with a brew-tiful storyline. What do baristas say to their least favorite customers? “You mocha me crazy!” Why don’t baristas ever get into fights? They don’t want to cause a brew-haha. Why do baristas make terrible secret spies? They can’t stop spilling the beans. What’s a barista’s favorite pick-up line? “You’re brew-tiful, and I like you a latte.” Why did the barista bring a notebook to work? To jot down their brew-illiant ideas. What did the barista say after making the perfect latte? “That’s a foam-tastic finish!” Why did the barista get a tattoo of a coffee cup? To always wear their heart on their sleeve. How did the barista break up with their partner? They said, “We’re just not the perfect blend.”
Coffee Puns and One-Liners
Use your favorite bands, films, and shows to come up with a cuppa jokes. Trying to come up with a coffee-inspired pun? Replace a word in a common phrase with a coffee-related term, such as “brew,” “latte,” “roast,” “grind,” and “espresso.” Puns are all about wordplay and connecting unrelated concepts, so take the time to brainstorm and write down different ideas. Here are some punny ideas to help you get started: AC/Decaf. Just brew it. The X-Filters. Cool story, brew! How you brewin’? Espresso yourself. Pretty Little Lattes. Friday Night Lattes. Back to the Frother. You warm my heart. The Polar Espresso. That Thing You Brew! Fleetwood Macchiato. The Lord of the Beans. The Count of Macchiato. For Whom the Bean Tolls. You mocha me very happy. Coffee, the Vampire Slayer. He’s Just Not That Into Brew. The Red Hot Coffee Peppers. The Brothers Caramel Mocha. There’s Something about Mocha. Coffee and I are the perfect blend. Rage Against the Espresso Machine. The Smashing Pumpkin Spice Lattes. A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee. Affogato tell you something…You’re the best! Never make fun of a barista—they will roast you. Words can’t describe how much you bean to me. Some people lift weights. I prefer to French press. I didn’t choose the mug life, the mug life chose me. Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems. If this coffee is decaf, we’re gonna have a latte problems. I drink so much coffee at work that it’s part of my daily grind. I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind. I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino but it was all froth and no substance. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just heading down to the police station to look at a few mugshots.
“I Like My Coffee” Jokes
Compare your coffee preferences with something you love or despise. Creating a “I like my coffee” joke involves relating coffee to something in a silly and surprising way. Think of the characteristics of coffee—its temperature, sweetness, strength, or appearance—and compare it to a person, place, idea, or experience. Here are some of the best jokes for inspiration: I like my coffee like I like my ex…I don’t like coffee. I like my coffee like I like my humor…dark and bitter. I like my coffee like I like my socks…warm and cozy. I like my coffee like I like my Wi-Fi…fast and reliable. I like my coffee like I like my women…rich and full-bodied. I like my coffee like I like my plans…bold and full of potential. I like my coffee like I like my life…disappointing and lukewarm. I like my coffee like my workouts…strong, intense, and effective. I like my coffee like I like my chocolate…dark, rich, and indulgent. I like my coffee how I like myself…dark, bitter, and too hot for you. I like my coffee like I like my relationships…strong and long-lasting. I like my coffee like I like my weekends…hot, smooth, and enjoyable. I like my coffee like I like my playlists…energizing and well-balanced. I like my coffee like I like my mornings…warm, lazy, and slow to start. I like my coffee like I like my weather…not too cold and not too steamy. I like my coffee like I like my friends…warm, comforting, and a little nutty. I like my coffee like I like my men…strong, rich, and first thing in the morning. I like my coffee how I like myself…hot, caffeinated, and undisturbed by strangers. I like my coffee like I like my birthday…with a little bit of whiskey when no one’s looking. I like my coffee like I like my alarms…strong enough to wake me up but not give me a heart attack.
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