- Dreams are often “data dumps,” so if you dream about someone, it could just mean you saw them that day and hold no significance beyond that.
- Your dreams may be ways for you to process your feelings. For example, you might dream about your ex if you want closure, or if you’re feeling lonely.
- Some people believe dreams hold psychic meanings—for instance, if you dream about someone, it means they’re dreaming about you too.
Why do we dream about people?
You might dream about someone if you see them a lot during the day. Dreams don’t always pull directly from your daily life, but they often do. You might be surprised to see a random coworker in your dream, but if you see them every day, it makes sense your brain would include them in a nightly “data dump.” And the data dump isn’t limited to the people you see in person, either: you might dream about people from video games or cereal boxes or TV (meaning if you binge You all evening, there’s a chance Penn Badgley will guest star in your dreams that night). You’re more likely to dream about someone if you saw them right before sleep or if the encounter was a particularly intense or vivid experience. This is one reason experts recommend not viewing screens within an hour of bedtime (or, if you can’t go cold-turkey, try falling asleep to something you’d be OK dreaming about—so, like, maybe Seinfeld instead of You). Not only can screen time impact what you dream about; the blue light on most screens suppresses the body’s release of melatonin, which is what makes you drowsy. For restful sleep and peaceful dreams, try to avoid looking at blue light right before bed.
People you think about a lot may appear in your dreams. Our dreams tend to emphasize our obsessions, even if it’s not always clear that’s what they’re doing. So if you’re fixated on your crush or you’re worried about your grandmother’s health, your anxieties might feature in your dreams. Someone you think about a lot in a positive or neutral way might figure in your dreams, but negative emotions like stress and anxiety are more likely to influence our dreams, unfortunately. Nightmares and night terrors have been linked to poor mental health and lack of REM sleep. REM (rapid eye movement) is the deepest stage of sleep and the stage at which we’re most likely to dream. Recurring dreams are also more likely to be negative and to reflect the dreamer’s waking life anxieties (which is why your repeated dreams are always about not being able to find a bathroom with walls and not, like, being married to Lana Del Rey). Doing something relaxing right before bed—like yoga or drinking herbal tea—can give you better sleep and more peaceful dreams, whereas chaos or high energy right before bed, like arguing with your partner or running a mile, can result in restless sleep and broken or bad dreams.
People in our dreams might symbolize ideas our brain is processing. Sometimes the dreams we have about certain people aren’t about the people at all, but about what the people represent. For instance, a dream about your ex might not indicate you’re still in love with them; it might just mean you’re in need of some love and attention, which your brain associates with them because you got it from them. You might also dream about someone connected to a painful memory you haven't fully gotten over. In REM sleep, our brainwaves are almost as active as they are when we're awake, meaning that even if the memories are too painful or scary to think about in real life, our subconscious is able to consider and process them in deep sleep.
What does it mean when I dream about…
someone repeatedly? The simplest explanation for dreaming about someone constantly is they’re on your mind a lot. But you might dream about someone if they were involved in a significant event that occurred in your life that you’re still processing; most people experience recurrent dreams about traumatic waking-life events. Recurrent bad dreams are a common symptom of PTSD (though many people without PTSD struggle with recurring dreams from time to time). Nightmares are a manifestation of the terror or anxiety the PTSD sufferer might experience, or might have experienced in the past, in their waking life.
my partner? To interpret any dream, you must consider not just the content, but the context: what is the tone of your dream about your partner? If it’s calm or loving, the dream might speak to your contentment in your dream. If the dream is chaotic or upsetting, it might indicate you and your partner are experiencing some friction or disconnect in real life. If you dream your ex is cheating on you, it doesn't mean they're cheating, but it could indicate you’re not feeling super secure about your relationship or that you don’t really trust your partner. A dream about your partner could also just be a brain dump! While some dreams are indicative of underlying feelings that need addressed and unpacked, some dreams are just a recital of the things you’ve seen throughout the day, which is bound to include a significant other you see a lot.
kissing or having sex? Sex dreams can be fun, puzzling, mortifying, or all three. Whether you dream about kissing or having sex with a stranger, your ex, or your partner, it’s possible the dream isn’t actually about kissing or sex at all, but about a desire for intimacy and connection. You might have such dreams if you’re feeling particularly lonely in real life or if you’ve just experienced a big life change and are feeling unmoored, like starting a new job or moving to a new town. But don’t discount the Occam’s Razor interpretation of sex dreams: you’re attracted to the person you’re dreaming about. When you cheat on your significant other in your dream, try not to feel too guilty. It might just mean you’re feeling disconnected from your ex in real life and need to address the issue with them.
my ex? You might dream about an ex if you’ve got unfinished business with them and want some closure—for instance, maybe your dream-ex tells you they miss you or that they’re sorry for how things ended between you. But don’t assume dreaming about your ex means you belong together or that you still miss them—it might just mean you’ve encountered something during your day that reminded you of them, like a whiff of the cologne they wore. Your dream-ex could also be a stand-in to help you process certain feelings: for instance, if you dream about being hugged by your ex, it might just be a sign you’re feeling lonely and in need of some human connection. It doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with your ex. Some people believe if you’re dreaming about someone, it means they’re dreaming about you. This hasn’t been proven to be possible, but it could be! Still, best not to reach out to your ex about it, just in case.
my crush? We tend to dream about people we see a lot or think about a lot, and that would certainly include a crush. Dreaming about a crush could be your brain’s way of letting you “practice” dating them, or it might be a subconscious way to unpack your feelings about your crush. Contextualizing the dream can help you decipher what it might be about. What was the tone of your dream? What were you and your crush doing in it? For instance, if you dreamed your crush spat in your face and flushed your beanie baby collection down the toilet, it might speak to your real-life fear that they’ll reject you.
someone who’s not in my life anymore? Dreaming about someone from the past could simply mean you miss them and wonder how they’re doing, but it could also mean you’re thinking about something you associate with them. For instance, high school is often associated with “new beginnings,” so if you’re dreaming about your ninth-grade bully on the night before your new job, you might just have first-day jitters. Lots of psychologists believe the content of your dreams is a reflection of your own psyche—in other words, when you dream about your freshman bully, you’re actually dreaming about your own fear, not your bully.
someone I know dying? It can be super scary to dream about someone dying, but rest assured it’s rarely a harbinger of actual death. Death in dreams usually stands for the end of something in real life—for instance, when your older sister leaves home for college, you might dream about her death because, on some level, it feels like she’s died in real life.
someone who’s died? Dreaming about someone who’s died could simply mean you miss them. However, many people believe loved ones who have passed will visit you in dreams to send you messages or simply to show you they’re watching over you and that you’re not alone.
someone I’ve never met? While dreaming about, say, Penn Badgley could just mean you watched one too many You episodes (who can blame you?), it’s possible that dreaming about someone you’ve never met is more meaningful than that. Psychologists theorize that a stranger in a dream may represent an unrealized emotion or unprocessed memory, with male strangers in particular acting as a "code" for aggressive impulses you haven't yet unpacked or violent memories your subconscious is attempting to dissect. (On the other hand, female strangers are almost invariably kind and nonthreatening.) It's also possible your dream-stranger is a stand-in for someone you don’t want to see—for example, someone about whom you harbor painful memories.
Possible Psychic Interpretations
The person you’re dreaming of is dreaming of you. While a lot is known about dreams from a scientific perspective, there's still a lot that's a mystery. Some people, including the late Sigmund Freud, believe in dream telepathy—or the ability to communicate with another person via your dreams. So if you’re dreaming about Penn Badgley, there’s a possibility he’s dreaming about you too. Even if the person you’re dreaming of isn’t dreaming of you, your dreams could mean they’re thinking about you a lot in real life.
Your spirit guides speak to you via dreams. When you're not sure which path to take in life, pay attention to your dreams. Some people believe your dreams are a vehicle for your spirit guides or guardian angels to communicate wisdom and important messages. Reflect on your dreams each morning to try to decipher what the universe might be trying to tell you. When you wake up in the morning, try to immediately recall your dream in as much detail as possible. Write it down so you don't forget it. Note the content of the dream, but also remember how it felt. The tone and content of your dream will help you decipher its meaning.
Your dream is a portent. It’s possible that your dreams are giving you a glimpse of what’s to come. For instance, if you dream of someone betraying you, your dream could be an omen that they’ll take advantage of you in real life. Be careful: if you go through life believing every dream is an omen, you're likely to drive yourself nuts worrying about your teeth falling out or being late for school or whatever. So while dreams could be prophetic, remember there may be other underlying meanings to them besides the literal interpretation—or they could mean nothing at all!
How do I know when my dream is significant?
If you feel like your dream is significant, it’s significant. Sorry we can’t offer more of a straight answer! Some people believe dreams are the universe’s way of sending you secret messages or portents, and while there may be truth to that theory, many psychologists theorize that your dreams are your brain’s way of helping you process your day-to-day life, meaning anything you get hung up on in your dream is significant: the details that stick with you after you’ve woken up are your keys to unlocking unprocessed feelings and experiences. Some psychologists believe everyone in your dream is really just another version of you or a reflection of your own psyche—so when you dream about your mother, you’re really dreaming about your perception of your mother.
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