Accepting a Formal Invitation
Read the invitation carefully to see how you’re supposed to respond. Formal dinner invitations often arrive in the mail or through email. Regardless of how your invitation arrives, read the invitation carefully from top to bottom to figure out how you are supposed to respond. Formal invitations almost always include everything you need to know about accepting or reserving your seat. Formal invitations typically include the date, time, attire, and reservation method. Don’t throw your invitation out if it arrived in the mail. You may need some of the information later! You may be required to reply to formal invitations via mail, email, telephone, or online. Check your calendar before responding to the invitation to ensure that you’re free on that day.
Look for the letters “RSVP” if you can’t find information on accepting. RSVP is short for répondez s'il vous plait, which is French for “please respond.” It’s a formal shorthand for the reservation instructions. If the invitation asks you to accept or decline using a specific method, do not use an alternative response method. In other words, it the invitation asks you to respond online, do not send a letter. If the invitation asks you to reply via email, do not call. It is generally seen as inappropriate to not follow the invitation’s instructions. Tip: Some invitations will say “RSVP, regrets only.” This means that it is automatically assumed that you will attend and you only need to reach out if you can’t make the dinner. If you see this printed on an invitation to a company event, it strongly implies that you need to attend.
Accept online invitations through the address listed on the invitation. If the invitation lists a website for RSVPs, get on your computer and type in the website’s address. On the website, look for a button that says “Accept,” or, “I Am Attending.” Click this button and enter any additional information that pop up for menu options or guest information. Online reservation sites are designed to be easy to use. It shouldn’t be too hard to accept the invitation digitally. If you struggle with navigating the website, contact the website before reaching out to the host. Their servers may be down or you may not understand the instructions. If you can’t make the event, politely decline before the RSVP date. Send a note or let the host know in person that you’re sorry you can’t show up.
Send an email or letter to the host if you’re asked to write your response. If the host requests an email or letter reply, start with a formal salutation like, “Dear Mr. Jankowski.” Then, thank the host for the invitation and plainly state that you accept their invitation. Written replies don’t need to be longer than 1-3 sentences, so don’t worry about writing a long acceptance speech. If you are allowed to bring a guest, mention who you are bringing at the end of your response. For example, you may write, “Thank you for the lovely invitation to your annual dinner party. I am deeply honored and happy to accept your kind invitation. I will be bringing my partner, Taylor Walters.” Close your email with “Sincerely,” or “Thank you,” followed by your name. Include your title if you’re responding to an invitation by a colleague or business organization. If you’re emailing your response and the dinner is hosted by someone you have a professional relationship with, use your professional email account. If it’s a personal friend, use your personal email account. If you’re mailing your response, handwrite your response on a sheet of nice cardstock or paper. Include your signature instead of writing your name out. Invitations that require a written response typically include a blank response card with the invitation.
Call the number listed on the invitation if you’re asked to do so. If you are asked to call a number to accept the invitation, you’re probably calling the venue or organizing group. Since you don’t have a personal relationship with the venue or event organizer, you really don’t need to worry about following etiquette. Kindly state that you will be attending the dinner, provide your name, and thank the person on the other end of the phone before hanging up. It is exceptionally rare that you need to call the host directly to accept a dinner invitation. If the host does answer the phone, be cordial and say something like, “Hello! This is Alfred O'Brian. I’m calling to thank you for the invitation and to let you know that I will be attending your dinner on the 9th.” Answer any follow-up questions and thank the host again before hanging up.
Do nothing if there are no reservation instructions whatsoever. If you get an invitation and there are no instructions on how to accept, you probably don’t need to do anything. These types of invitations are often open offers where the host doesn’t need information on who will be attending. You typically get invitations like these from organizations or groups. If the letter is impersonal and looks like it could be sent to anybody, it’s probably fine to show up without actively accepting the offer.
Responding to an Informal Invitation
Check your calendar to ensure that you’re free on that date. Before happily accepting an informal invitation, check your schedule to make sure that you’re available for dinner on the given date. It can be awkward to decline an invitation after you’ve already accepted it! Informal invitations are often used when you’re having a conversation with the host. You may also receive an informal invitation via email, social media, or text message.
Accept the offer as soon as you reasonably can. To give the host enough time to plan and prepare for the dinner, respond as soon as you can. Avoid putting off your response until the last minute, even if there isn’t a formal date that you need to respond by. If you can, respond to the invitation the same day that you receive it. If every guest waits to respond to their invitation, the host may think that no one is interested in coming and cancel the event.
Respond in the same tone and voice as the invitation. If you got a quick text asking, “Dinner Thursday?” replying with a simple “Sure!” is totally appropriate. If you receive an email asking you if you’re interested in getting dinner next week, write back “I’d love to get dinner! What day works best for you?” Use whatever tone and manner the host used to reply to their invitation and accept it. There are no hard rules when it comes to how you reply to an informal invitation. Use whatever method the host used to invite you and do your best to mirror the host’s tone, whether it’s causal, silly, playful, or serious.
Offer to help with the dinner if you’re friends with the host. If you’re good friends with the host, offer to help with the cooking or buy something for the event. Dinner parties often require a lot of effort and time. The host will surely appreciate the offer, even if they decline your help.Warning: Don’t force your help on to the host. If they decline your assistance, don’t insist on doing something for the dinner. If you don’t know the host very well, don’t offer to help with anything. This can come off as invasive and presumptuous.
Following Proper Etiquette
Accept or decline invitations by the date listed on the invitation. While you may be able to get away with answering late, it is considered rude to not respond by the date listed on the invitation. If you aren’t sure if you’re going to be free or not, contact the host and let them know why you haven’t responded yet. If it’s a formal invitation for a professional event, don’t contact anyone to discuss your issue. It will be more polite to decline and attend the next dinner. For example, you may say. “Mr. Davis, I apologize for not responding to the invitation yet. I may have to go out of town for work the weekend of the party, but I’m not sure yet. Is it okay if I contact you a few days after the date on the invitation? If it isn’t, I completely understand. Sorry about this!”
Arrive on time to adhere to the instructions on the invitation. If the party starts at 7 pm, the host is surely going to be running around checking on the food and cleaning around the house at 6:30 pm. Don’t show up early to avoid disrupting the host or the organizing group. Show up either on time, or no more than 30 minutes late to ensure that you don’t offend anyone.Tip: If you have to choose between showing up a little early and showing up a little late, show up late. Many people actually prefer that guests show up late, so it may not be a big deal. This is particularly true if it’s a dinner party hosted by a close friend at their home. Since this is a dinner party, avoid showing up in the middle of everyone’s meal. If you’re going to be late and you know that the meal starts at 9 pm, show up at 10 pm at the earliest to catch everyone during after-dinner drinks.
Bring a gift if the dinner is hosted at someone’s home. If the party is taking place in someone’s home, pick up some flowers, a nice bottle of wine, or some other small gift. When you arrive, give the gift to the host. If a member of their immediate family answers the door, go ahead and give the gift to them instead. This is a great way to show that you appreciate the host’s efforts in planning the party and letting you into your home. This is particularly important if you don’t know the host very well.
Check the dress code at the venue or on the invitation to dress properly. If you’re attending a formal dinner party, wear a suit and tie or an elegant dress. If the venue is a sports bar and you’re meeting a few friends for dinner, feel free to wear jeans a T-shirt. Adhere to the dress code listed on the invitation to avoid standing out or offending the host. If the event is listed as “Black Tie,” you need to follow a specific dress code. You can wear a black suit with a white undershirt and black tie (or bowtie). Alternatively, any ball gown or long dress will work.
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