How to Be Smooth with the Ladies

Acting Smooth

Be playful. Experts agree: for many women, one of the most attractive traits a man can have is a sense of playfulness. It's not hard to see why — talking to people who are playful and enjoy the spirited back-and-forth "dance" of a feisty conversation is a lot more fun than talking to people who are earnest but uninteresting. Keep keep a sense of mischievousness when you talk to women. Look for opportunities to joke, gently tease her, and deliberately misunderstand the things she says. If she's in the mood for a little verbal back-and-forth, this can be absolutely irresistible. For instance, let's say that you're talking to a lady you're attracted to at a party. If she says that she's in from out of town and that she's going home soon, you might try saying something like "What, you're already sick of us?" with a smile on your face. When she starts to protest, pretend to get exaggeratedly offended, all while smiling to make you sarcasm clear. Many women react really well to this sort of gentle, playful teasing (which some call "flirting").

Stay effortlessly in control of the situation. There's a good reason why ladies' men are called "smooth operators": these types of people often have dominant personalities and know how to control (or "operate") social situations to their benefit. The smoothest, suavest players of all know how to lead conversations in the directions they want without even appearing to do so. This effortlessness is key — someone who insists on dominating a social interaction but is visibly agitated about the ordeal can give truly bizarre mixed signals. Think about it: If you were having a conversation with someone who was obviously trying to woo you and was obviously nervously about it, would you be attracted? Doubtful. Don't bother with "pick up artist" guides that encourage you to use carefully-planned routines of back-handed compliments and psychological tricks to attract women. Remember, if you're basically reciting from a script when you're talking to a woman, you're not really effortlessly in control of the situation, are you?

Keep your reactions low-key. We've all seen it on TV and in the movies — the quiet yet dashing bad boy who says almost nothing but seems to get girls without even trying (e.g., "The name's Bond. James Bond."). While popular entertainment can sometimes create some unhealthy attitudes towards dating, there is a tiny kernel of truth here. Being cool and understated can make a man more attractive to women. Try to react to almost everything that happens around you casually, as if it's completely natural. Being at ease no matter what happens is a supreme show of confidence, and confidence is almost always sexy. To be clear, this doesn't mean you need to be tight-lipped about everything. It does mean, however, that if you see an opportunity to play coy and spark a little intrigue in your conversation, you should take it and see what happens. For instance, if a lovely lady casually asks where you live, you might respond with, "Oh, why? Were you planning on going there later?" It's a little cheesy, but with a response like this, you're revealing nothing about yourself and getting a playful dig at your female companion in at the same time. It's especially important to have a low-key reactions to being rejected. If you're trying to start conversations with lots of different ladies at a party, there's a chance that some (or even all) of them won't be interested in talking to you. This is OK. React to each rejection with no more hurt feelings than if you've just been told your shoes are untied.

Casually initiate affection, but never be desperate. Let's be honest — if you're trying to "be smooth" with the ladies, you probably eventually want to engage in a little mutual affection with them, whether this is kissing, having sex, or just holding hands (hey, everyone starts somewhere). This is great — healthy, mutual displays of affection are wonderful things. Keep this in mind when you're in situations with ladies where you want to initiate affection. Truly smooth men aren't scared or ashamed of making their intentions known. However, they're also not needy or desperate. Not only is desperation tremendously unattractive to most people, but it also demonstrates low self-worth (and smooth guys always have high self-worth). For example, let's say that you've just wrapped up a great first date with a wonderful lady and you're walking out of the restaurant together. If you feel a strong attraction and want to hold her hand, casually grab hold of it as you move through a crowd of people as if it's perfectly natural. Don't make a big production out of the act — do it as if you haven't even thought about the implications. If she appears ill at ease or loosens her grip, you can easily follow her lead and let go without making the situation awkward, but if she reacts well, hold on tight! Note: Real smooth guys aren't creeps. Being casually affectionate is one thing, but harassing women or violating their personal space is another, so keep your hands to yourself or you may be wearing a palm print on your cheek for the next few days.

Don't place any expectations on your social interactions. Genuinely smooth guys enjoy what they do. They like having playful, intriguing conversations with women. They don't do this just to get what they want. Any sort of romance or dating success that comes their way is a happy by-product of them doing what they love, not something that they agonize over and "fight" to get. When you're talking to a woman you're attracted to, don't have an endgame in sight. Just say and do what comes naturally. If your conversation naturally leads you to romance, great. If it doesn't, that's that — you had fun anyway! This is one reason why you may want to shy away from "pick up artist"-style seduction guides. These guides are often written with one goal in mind (sex, obviously), and while their routines may or may not work on some small subset of women, they'll never get you the genuine joy that comes from naturally, effortlessly connecting with another human being.

Be funny. Everyone enjoys a good laugh. Humor makes everybody feel good, so if you can gain a reputation as a funny person, other people (including ladies) will naturally want to be around you. Try to look for opportunities to make light of the situation you're in or (gently) poke fun at the people around you. Most people have the natural ability to be funny when they're relaxed and around people they like, but if you really feel like you're having a hard time being funny, you might want to try researching the topic (our guide to being funny is a good place to start). Be careful with self-deprecating humor. While a few exceptional individuals can manage to be sexy while making fun of themselves (like the male leads in Woody Allen movies), it's a risky move for most ordinary people, who may unintentionally make themselves look self-conscious or insecure with this type of approach.

Being Cool and Confident

Fake it until you make it. When you're stressing out about a high-pressure social situation you're in, it can be difficult to remember that everyone around you can't tell you're nervous unless you show or tell them you are. This means that if you have the right attitude and you control your behavior in the right ways, they never need to know! Simply acting confident is usually enough to fool people into thinking that you are. Best of all, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy — usually, acting confident can help make you feel confident, which will make it easier to look confident, and so on. For starters, try acting like everything you do is natural. Don't hesitate over any decision and don't agonize over how to perform small, unimportant actions. For instance, if you're at a party and you want to ask someone to dance, don't think about it — just do it! Go right over to the person you've set your eyes on and ask, "Hey, do you want to dance?" That's all you need to do.

Use powerful body language. Always remember — look the part, be the part! If you look like you're confident and self-assured, you may as well be confident, because other people won't be able to tell the difference. If you're naturally shy or introverted and you're trying to be smooth, using confident and dominant (but relaxed) body language can immediately improve your prospects with the ladies. Below are just a few tips for the uninitiated: Stand up straight with your shoulders pulled gently back. Doing this makes you appear larger, puffs out your chest, and usually makes whatever muscles you've got look as good as possible. Hold your head high. Keeping your head up makes you appear proud, confident, and unafraid of your surroundings. However, don't look down your nose at others — this can appear snobby or condescending. Don't be afraid to take up space. Confident people aren't afraid to have a broad, relaxed stance. If you're sitting down, don't be afraid to sit back and spread your legs a little. If you're standing around other people in a crowded area, don't recoil from others if you accidentally brush against them. Don't cross your arms. This makes you appear closed-off and inaccessible. Don't stare at your phone. This makes you look busy and preoccupied and will discourage people from talking to you.

Use appropriate eye contact. Confident people aren't afraid to look other people in the eye (especially if these other people are attractive, interesting women). There's a reason that looking someone in the eye is traditionally seen as a sign that someone is genuine. Doing this gives the impression that you're open, un-intimidated, and attentive. On the other hand, an unwillingness to look someone in the eye can make you seem like you're ashamed, nervous, or hiding something, even if you're not. Try to look people in the eye most of the time when you're talking to them, and when you're not talking to them, use a few seconds of steady eye contact to spark someone's interest from across the room. Don't stare or leer at women — too much eye contact can definitely be a bad thing! If you're talking to a woman, feel free to maintain fairly steady eye contact, but if you're not, looking her in the eyes for more than a few seconds at a time can put her seriously ill-at-ease.

Relax! Quick, what's the hardest thing to do once you're commanded to do it? If you guessed "relax", you're right. Actively trying to relax is like swimming in quicksand — the harder you work, the less progress you make. If you find yourself stressing about difficult social situations, unfortunately, there is no single "right" way to get to the point where you can relax in the same situations. Everyone relaxes in different ways. However, many people see success with a few common methods, listed below: Mentally downplaying the importance of the situation or poking fun at it Exercising Getting lots of sleep Deep breathing exercises Meditating

Get out and live a little. Picture this: you're chatting with a lady you're attracted to and you're playing things coy (as any smooth operator should), withholding information about yourself just enough to keep her intrigued. Let's say that things go well and you arrange a date for the weekend — when you eventually do start to tell her about yourself, would you prefer to present yourself as a complex, interesting person, or as someone without any dreams or ambitions who mainly just watches TV and browses the internet? The answer should be obvious. Truly smooth men back up their suave mystique with actual interesting lives. They spend time pursuing their passions and trying new things. Not only will making an effort to get out and experience the world make you appear more interesting — it'll also give you the confidence that only a wealth of life experiences can. If you're looking for new hobbies, start with something that interests you or that you naturally enjoy and try to become great at that thing. Do you like working with your hands? Start making your own furniture. Do you like music? Pick up a cheap instrument at a pawn shop and start practicing. Do you love video games? Even this can be a source of interesting experiences if, for instance, you participate in gaming tournaments or make a gaming channel on YouTube.

Keeping Your Unique Charm

Don't be ashamed of your interests. Ask the average person what a "smooth guy" is like and you'll probably get an answer along the lines of, "He's impeccably handsome, cool, confident, and well-dressed, with tons of masculine hobbies and interests." While the first four items in this list can certainly be a big help in the dating game, the last is hardly the end-all-be-all it's often made out to be. Don't feel a need to conceal or lie about the things you like to do. If you're geeky, be unabashedly geeky. If you like to do something really bizarre, like watch syrupy French romance films from the silent film era, don't hide this fact — it's super cool to like something unique! Being 100% honest about how you like to spend your time makes you seem genuine and confident and distinguishes you from everyone else around you.

Look for women where you naturally hang out. Clubs, singles bars, and other traditional dating "hot spots" are great for people who are in their element when the music's blaring loud and everyone around them is drunk. For everyone else, it may be much easier to meet people elsewhere. For starters, try meeting women at places and events that you naturally enjoy attending. For instance, if you like exercise and the outdoors, you might want to try running in a popular park. By using this approach, you're more likely to meet women that you have things in common with than you would be simply visiting a local club.

Have your own style. We've all heard it before: "Be yourself and you'll go far." This age-old advice is a little cheesy, but when it comes to smooth operators, it's completely true. Smooth guys don't follow others when it comes to defining themselves — they do what they want to do and present themselves how they want to be presented and let others judge them as they see fit. Having your own unique personal style makes you hugely more interesting and memorable than trying to be someone else's idea of "cool", so being yourself isn't only easier than being trendy, it's also smarter if you're trying to win people over. One way to immediately and visibly differentiate yourself from other people is to dress in a way that's not 100% ordinary (while obviously not completely absurd either). For instance, you might want to try buying your clothes at a second-hand store or a vintage shop for a worn-in, retro look or even making your own clothes and accessories by knitting or sewing them yourself.

Be open and sincere. When it comes to pursuing women, honesty is the best policy. For the most part, everyone (ladies included) can tell a phony from a genuine person, so trying to act like someone you're not or conceal your true feelings will just lead to mutual feelings of awkwardness. Besides this, most women think sincerity is cute, so you have almost no reason not to be completely honest and open about your thoughts, opinions, and intentions. The absolute worst-case scenario that can occur from being honest is that you lose the opportunity to date someone, but if you would have had to lie about the way you feel to date this person, would you ever have been completely happy with them? Probably not. For instance, if you've got certain "dealbreakers" — things that you simply can't tolerate in your significant other, you'll definitely want to be open and honest about these with your partner (or potential partner). Think about it: would you rather spend a few weeks pretending to be into someone who smokes, belches, and listens to Limp Bizkit all day, or would you rather politely nip this relationship in the bud? Note that, however, there is such a thing as over-sharing. While you'll want to be sincere about your thoughts and feelings, you probably won't want to make things awkward by bringing up intensely personal information before you truly get to know someone.

Love thyself before loving others. You can't love other people if you don't love yourself, so if you have a lousy opinion of yourself, steer clear of romance until you do. Ideally, romantic relationships should be the cherry on top of a happy, satisfied life — experiences that are truly wonderful to have, but not things that you need to be happy. Smooth men are always at ease partly because they know that, no matter what happens in their romantic life, they'll be more or less happy regardless. To have a happy foundation for the possibility of future relationships, below are just a few of the things you will probably want your life to contain: A reasonable amount of personal independence (like, for instance, being able to support yourself and spend your free time as you please). The opportunity (and motivation) to pursue hobbies and interests. Stable, satisfying non-romantic friendships. A satisfying level of professional and/or personal achievement (like performing well at your job, becoming an important member of your community, etc.)