Planning the Ceremony
Discuss the ceremony with the couple. When you start putting together a ceremony, it’s important that you are on the same page as the couple. Meet with them early in the process to talk about what they want and expect from you. Keep in touch as you plan out the ceremony to make sure you are on the right track. Ask the couple about: What kind of tone they want the ceremony to have. Are they looking for traditional, trendy, or off-beat? Solemn, or light-hearted? Religious or secular? Whether they have any specific expectations about the structure of the ceremony. Whether there are any subjects they want you to touch on (or avoid) during your introductory speech.
Follow any religious guidelines, if applicable. If the wedding is a religious one, you may need to include specific elements in the ceremony. Consult with the couple about their spiritual needs, and familiarize yourself with the rules and traditions associated with weddings in their religion. For example, in a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, the officiant is required to read a special marriage contract, called the ketubah, out loud.
Write a script. It is important to know ahead of time what you plan to say, and how you plan to say it. This is especially crucial if the ceremony will be very complex, formal, or traditional. If you are comfortable with public speaking, or if you’ve performed similar ceremonies before, an outline may be enough. Otherwise, be on the safe side and write out everything you want to say. Make sure your script contains all the crucial parts of the ceremony. In many places, a wedding ceremony is not legally binding unless it includes the “declaration of intent” from the couple (e.g., “Do you, Gussie, take Madeline to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “I do.”) and the pronouncement from the officiant (e.g. "I now pronounce you..." If the couple has decided to compose their own vows, leave space in the script for their part of the ceremony. If you’re not sure how to begin, check around online for sample wedding scripts that match the tone and structure you are going for.
Rehearse the ceremony. Make sure to give yourself plenty of time to practice the ceremony on your own before the wedding day. If the couple plans to have a wedding rehearsal, you should be involved. Practice conducting the entire ceremony as it will happen on the wedding day. If there are places where you stumble over words, or if you find yourself getting choked up at certain points, take extra care to work on mastering those difficult passages.
Becoming a Legal Officiant
Look up marriage laws in your area. The laws about who can conduct a marriage ceremony vary from one place to another. Do an internet search on local marriage laws in your area, or visit your local clerk, registrar, or other marriage authority for detailed information. For example, in many states in the US, you may need to be a judge, magistrate, or ordained minister in order to become an officiant. In other states, such as Pennsylvania, no officiant is required at all, and the couple can marry themselves as long as there are at least two witnesses present.
Get ordained, if you need to. If you are not already qualified to conduct a wedding ceremony, one of the easiest ways to become qualified is to get ordained as a minister. This may seem daunting, but it’s easier than it sounds. Organizations like the Universal Life Church, Open Ministry, or American Marriage Ministers can ordain you online, free of charge or for a very low price, even if you have no religious affiliation. Some types of ordination are only valid for a limited period of time. Before trying to conduct a wedding ceremony, make sure your ordination is still valid, and renew it if necessary.
Contact your local marriage authority. Once you’re sure that you’re qualified to perform a marriage in your area, get in touch with your county clerk, registrar, or other local official in charge of issuing marriage licenses. Let them know that you are planning to perform a wedding ceremony, and ask what procedures you need to follow in order to make the ceremony valid. In some areas, you may be required to present credentials, such as a certificate of ordination or a Letter of Good Standing from your ministry.
Stay on top of the paperwork. While it is usually the couple’s responsibility to obtain a marriage license, it will probably be up to you to submit the signed license (and any other required documents) to the local marriage authority. Check ahead to find out how soon after the wedding the signed license must be submitted. You and the married couple will need to sign the license in order for it to be legally binding. You may also need signatures from at least two witnesses.
Performing the Ceremony
Arrive early. Weddings usually run on a pretty tight schedule. Arrive at least an hour in advance to give yourself time to relax, go over your script, and help out with any last-minute setup.
Bring everything you need for the ceremony. Make sure you have your script, the marriage license, and any other documents or items you may need before you begin the ceremony. If you’re going to be reading directly from your script, put the script in an attractive book or binder.
Keep it brief. There is probably a lot you want to say to (and about) the couple on their wedding day. However, your most important task is to get them married and let them shine. There will be plenty of time to share advice, toasts, and reminiscences at the reception. Keep your opening and closing remarks short, sweet, and simple. It may help to pick a simple theme for your introduction or sermon. For example, you might build a few short paragraphs off of a favorite quote about love, life, or marriage.
Help the audience feel included. A wedding is for the benefit of both the couple and the loved ones who have come to celebrate their marriage. While the couple should be the focus of the ceremony, remember to reach out to the audience as witnesses to (and participants in) the event. Thank them for their presence, and include them in your speech. For example, you might begin with a variation on the traditional opening, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this couple in holy matrimony.”
Have fun! A wedding is a joyous occasion. Even if the ceremony is relatively formal, aim to conduct it with a sense of happiness and celebration. As long as it’s kept respectful, a little bit of humor may not be out of place. Trust your instincts and your knowledge of the couple and the audience.
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