How to Deal With People Who Make Fun of Your Appearance

Remaining Calm

Ignore them. When being teased, you might feel that your blood is boiling or that you are on the verge of tears. To avoid reacting, ignore their comments completely. Put in ear phones, think of something funny that happened recently, or scroll through some memes on social media. If you are at work, you might shut your office door, work on emails, or call a customer/client.

Walk away. If ignoring their comments is not effective, walk away from them. Walk towards a crowd of people or towards other friends. They will likely not tease you as much if you are around your support system. If you are in school, walk towards a teacher or administrator.

Take some deep breaths. Deep breathing is a calming technique often used to combat anger or frustration. Instead of reacting, take 10 deep breaths. Breathe in slowly through your nose and out through your mouth.

Compile a list of uplifting quotes. It can be really tough to have others pick on your appearance, especially if they are teasing you about things you can’t really change. However, it’s important to find ways to keep positive and to build yourself up. Make a list, either on paper or in your phone, of uplifting quotes or compliments that you have received or read. Look over this list in the mornings or when you are being teased. One quote you might list is from Eleanor Roosevelt who said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” If someone has told you that you have nice hair or clothes, write that down, too. Keep a list of compliments in your phone or a journal.

Call or text a friend. When someone is being mean to you, it can be tempting to be mean back or to lash out in anger. However, this usually will only make the teasing worse, as most bullies are looking for a reaction. Identify a friend or family member who is level-headed and who gives good advice and call or text them. They can help to get your mind off things or give you advice on what to do. You might say “Hey girl, remember that kid from my school who I told you keeps making fun of my glasses? He just did it again. What would you do?” You might also talk to a coworker who you you are close with.

Responding to the Teasing

Approach them away from others. If you have tried ignoring the issue and the bully is still taunting you, you might need to address the situation head on. Go to them and ask to speak to them in private. Try to have this conversation within a day of them teasing you. Say something like “Hi, Frank. I would like to speak to you today in private at some point. Could we talk some time after lunch?’ If you are afraid of what they’ll do, have a friend nearby to intervene if necessary.

Tell them how you feel. Be open and honest and avoid being overly emotional. Though emotions are necessary in some settings, a bully will use them against you. Be direct about your feelings on their negative comments and ask them to stop. Say “Jess, every time I see you and my hair is curly, you always make a negative comment about it. I never make comments about your hair, because it is none of my business. I would appreciate if you would stop with the teasing.”

Reverse the insult. If confronting them doesn’t work or if you prefer other solutions, try defusing their insult. If a bully feels that their words don’t affect you, they may stop the teasing altogether. Say things like “Oh you don’t like my freckles? That’s okay because I love them! I get compliments all the time actually and there are lots of makeup tutorials of girls drawing them on now.”

Make a joke about it. You can also try owning the insult that they throw at you. Even if you are insecure about the thing that you’re being teased for, it is still a part of you. Make a joke about it, too, and work to improve the things about yourself that you don’t like. The bully might tease you for having braces and call you names. In reply, say “Metal mouth? Yea, I guess that’s me.” Remember, bullies often want to see people get upset or react angrily to their insults. By making a joke, you can take away their power.

Make them look silly. If this person taunts you over very obvious things or about the same things each day, call them out on it. A bully who cannot come up with any new material is both not very clever and also very repetitive. Use that weakness against them to get them to leave you alone. Try saying things like “Really, Roger? You just noticed that I have glasses? I have had glasses for 3 years. Perhaps you need some because your vision is clearly off.”

Coping with the Teasing

Tell someone you trust. Confide in a friend, family member, coworker, or staff person at your school. Tell them about what has been going on with you and this bully. Though it might be embarrassing for you, holding it in will only hurt you more in the long run. Go to someone like your Mom and say “Hey, can I talk to you about something? I’m having a hard time with this girl at school, but I don’t want you to call the principal. I want to deal with it on my own, but I need someone to talk to about it.”

Avoid being alone. If you know that you will have to walk by the person who teases you or interact with them in any way, bring a friend along. Having others beside you who support you can be very encouraging. If you can’t bring a friend, then only interact with them in public or in the proximity of someone who will intervene. If you have to meet with this person, keep your office door open or meet in a public space.

Spend time with friends. Being teased can sometimes make you feel so sad that you don’t want to be around others. However, know that isolating yourself will only make the problem worse. If you only hear the opinions of those who are mean to you, you won’t have any positive comments to counteract them. Spend time with your friends by going to the movies, going out to eat, or just chatting on the phone.

Boost your own self-esteem. Being teased can really take a toll on your self esteem and make you feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, or frustration. You might feel like no matter what you do to your appearance, you will still be teased for it. Remember that you are beautiful and wonderful and there isn’t a single person in the world who is just like you. Make a list of your strengths and refer to it when you’re feeling down. For instance, you might have a real talent for drawing or singing. Or, you may be great at archery or chemistry. Alternatively, you may be a loyal friend or a great listener. Writing in a journal can be a great way to boost your self esteem and care for your mental health. Write down everything you're grateful for and keep a positive tone in your journal.

Take care of yourself. Take care of your body and your mental health during this time so you can face your bully with strength. Exercise, eat healthy foods and meditate or pray daily. Be good to yourself and don’t let teasing affect your health.

Report the bullying. If the teasing is getting worse or violent in any way, report it immediately. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. Tell a teacher, administrator, or supervisor what is going on.