Structuring Your Email
Create a subject line that explains why you’re emailing them. Keep it simple, such as “Thinking of You” or “So Sorry to Hear of Steven’s Passing.” Try to keep the subject line as uplifting or comforting as possible, as this is the first line the person will read when they receive your email. Your email’s subject line might read, “Sending You Love from the Adams Family” or “We miss Kelly every day.”
Begin by expressing your grief. You might say something like, “I was so sorry to hear of your father’s passing,” or “I already miss your aunt dearly.” Acknowledge your own grief and let the recipient of the email know that you were saddened by the death of their loved one. You could also say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Tell them a positive memory you have of the deceased. Think about your own relationship with the deceased if you also knew them. Write about a fun memory you have of the person, or a great characteristic you remember about them. People who have lost someone dear to them love hearing memories about the person from other people who were also close to them. If you didn’t know the person who passed away well, try to compliment them in your email or say something like, “I know how much you loved spending time with Tim, and I’m so glad you have so many memories together.” Be sure to mention the deceased person’s name to make your writing more personal.
Offer your support in case they need help. Towards the end of your email, offer to assist the person receiving the email to help relieve some of their stress. It’s best to be specific and offer to do a certain thing—the person may feel uncomfortable asking you to do something for them, or they may not know exactly what would help them. For example, you might say, “I’m planning on bringing you dinner next week, is there something specific you'd like?” or “Please reach out if there’s a day you’d like me to bring your kids home from school for you.” Include your phone number in the email if they don’t already have it so they can easily contact you if needed.
End the email with an uplifting statement. This could be a positive or heartfelt quote, or something like, “I’m sending you hugs.” Concluding with a more positive message will ensure the reader has a source of comfort to carry with them. You might say, “I’m thinking of you,” or “We all love you so much.”
Choosing the Right Wording
Keep your writing style personal instead of formal. This is a very personal topic to write about, so it’s best to keep your writing casual and personal as well. Write as if you were speaking to them in person to help you sound authentic and comforting. Read your email out loud before sending it to help you see if it feels personal and easy to understand.
Resist talking about your own loved ones who have passed away. While you may want to talk about someone close to you who also passed away to relate to them and show that you know how they feel, it’s best to just focus your email on their loved one. This ensures it doesn’t sound like you’re shifting the focus to you and your grief or comparing loved ones. For example, avoid saying, “My uncle passed away last year, so I understand exactly how you feel.” Talking about feelings that you may share about the recent passing of a loved one is something you could talk about in person.
Avoid making assumptions about the reader’s beliefs on death or spirituality. Unless you know the email recipient’s personal beliefs, steer clear of any mentions of religion or afterlife beliefs in your email. Instead, just offer your love and support to be inclusive. For example, you wouldn’t say, “Rachel is in heaven now” if you weren’t sure whether the person you’re emailing believes in God and heaven. Saying something like, “I’m praying for you and your family” is okay.
Use comforting language and avoid making harsh statements. Someone who has just lost a loved one may be more sensitive to how you phrase your email. When mentioning death, use wording such as “passed away” or “has left us” to be less harsh. It’s also a good idea to read over your email once you’ve written it to check for statements that could offend or upset the reader. For example, avoid saying something like, “I wouldn’t know what to do if my mother died” or “I know exactly how you’re feeling,” as these statements don’t provide comfort. An appropriate thing to say would be, “I’m so sorry to hear of your brother’s passing, he was a wonderful person.” Avoid telling the reader that their loved one is now in a better place, as this could just upset them more, or they might not agree.
Get inspiration from sympathy cards or online references if desired. If you’re still struggling with what to put in your email, visit a local store that sells cards and look through their examples of sympathy cards. There are also lots of sample condolence messages that can be found online. Type “condolence email example” into an online search engine to find helpful ideas. Sympathy cards can be found in most drugstores, grocery stores, and big box stores.
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