Faking Symptoms at Work
Begin acting sick 1-2 days before the day you want to miss. Since you don’t usually feel the worst symptoms of a sickness right away, pretend you’re not feeling well a couple of days before you want to miss work. Mention to coworkers that you have a minor symptom, such as a tickle in your throat or an upset stomach. As the day goes on, make uncomfortable expressions or act more sluggish to make it seem like your condition’s getting worse.
Breathe through your mouth and cough often to pretend to have the flu. Common symptoms of the flu include runny or stuffy nose, cough, chills, achiness, and fatigue. Avoid breathing through your nose so you sound stuffy when you talk. Keep tissues nearby so you can blow your nose frequently to make it more believable. Every few minutes, cough or clear your throat to make it seem like you’re sore. If you want to make your voice raspy, avoid drinking a lot of water before you go into work. Wear a few extra layers of clothes even if it’s warm to make it seem like you’ve caught a chill. This can also make you sweat so it seems like you have a fever. The flu can last up to 2 weeks, so make sure you’re able to commit to fake symptoms for more than 1 day.
Rub petroleum jelly around your eyes to act like you have conjunctivitis. Conjunctivitis, also known as pink eye, is an eye infection that causes your eyes to turn red, swell up, and create pus. Rub your eyes to make them appear redder. Then rub petroleum below your eyelid with a cotton swab to make it look like your eyes are watering and forming pus. Conjunctivitis can last up to 2 weeks, so you may have to continue faking symptoms for a few days. Don’t put any of the petroleum jelly directly in your eye, or else you could cause actual irritation. If you do get some in your eyes, rinse it out as soon as possible.
Rub the side of your head and act sensitively to light to simulate a migraine. Migraines are intense headaches that can cause splitting pain and make you sensitive to light and loud noises. If you want to fake a migraine, start rubbing your temples and forehead and make an uncomfortable expression so it looks like you’re having a headache. If you have to look near lights, squint and wince so it looks like you’re more sensitive than normal. You may also be able to exaggerate how loud sounds are around you. If someone makes a noise that’s slightly loud, you can say something like, “I’m sorry, I have a really bad headache. Would you mind being a little quieter?” If you have a migraine, you may not be able to focus as easily on your work, so be slightly less productive throughout the day.
Hold your stomach and rush to the bathroom frequently to fake food poisoning. Food poisoning happens when you ingest bacteria, and it can cause vomiting, diarrhea, and upset stomach. When you want to pretend that you have food poisoning, keep your hand on your stomach to make it seem like it’s upset or you’re getting cramps. A few times throughout the day, rush to the bathroom holding your stomach to make it seem like you’re about to vomit or have diarrhea. Food poisoning only usually lasts 1 day, so it may work better to fake it if you want to leave work early.Tip:If you want to make it seem more believable that you’re vomiting, bring a cup of water with you to the bathroom and pour it into the toilet. Make gagging noises while you pour the water into the toilet.
Appearing Sick to Coworkers
Wear makeup to make your skin look paler and your nose runny. People usually have bags under their eyes, a red nose, and paler complexion when they get sick. Start by using a dark brow pencil underneath your eyes and blend it in with your finger to add dark bags. To make your nose look red and runny, apply a dab of red lipstick on your finger and work it into the skin on your nose. Finish your look with a light foundation or powder to make your face pale. If you normally wear makeup, don’t put it on the day you fake sick to make it seem like you don’t feel well.
Pretend to be exhausted to act like you didn’t get enough sleep the night before. Being sick takes its toll on the body, so it can make people more tired and exhausted. Rub your eyes to make it look like you haven’t gotten a lot of sleep, and pretend to yawn throughout the day. Don’t try to draw too much attention to yourself though since it may seem like you’re trying to oversell it. If someone asks you why you’re so tired at work, tell them something like, “I wasn’t feeling very good and couldn’t get to sleep.”
Make it seem like you’re less focused on work. When you’re sick, you’re usually a little sluggish and slow to react. When someone’s talking to you, say you missed what they said and ask them to repeat themselves. As you go through the day, stare off into space to look like you’re losing focus. You may also be a little less productive while you’re doing your job to make it seem like something else is affecting your work. For example, you can say, “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well. Can you say that again?” Don’t ignore people entirely since it can come across as rude rather than like you’re sick.
Be a little more irritable than normal. Sick people always seem a bit more cranky than usual, so it can help to act the part. If you’re normally smiling all the time and talking to other people, have a blank expression and stay quiet around others. Complain about little things that usually don’t annoy you, such as having a squeaky chair or something not working properly in your workplace. If others notice your crankiness, apologize for it and say you aren’t feeling well. For example, if a printer jams while you’re using it, you could complain by saying, “This thing never works! When are we ever going to get this fixed?”Warning: Acting irritable doesn’t mean being rude or impolite to other people. Avoid getting too angry or else you could get in trouble with your boss.
Eat less to simulate having a lack of appetite. You usually don’t eat as much food when you’re sick because it doesn’t sit well in your stomach. Pack or order a meal as you normally would so it doesn’t look like you’re faking. When it’s time to eat, do it slowly and take small bites to make it seem like you’re not hungry. As you swallow food, make an uncomfortable expression or rub your stomach so others can see you’re not feeling very well. If you want to look sick, pretend to gag after you swallow something or if you’re near strong-smelling food.
Calling in Sick
Contact your boss early so they can make plans for your absence. Try to make a phone call to your boss soon after you wake up since your voice will still sound raspy from sleeping. Avoid waiting until right before your shift to call them since they won’t have much time to schedule somebody else or reassign your duties for the day. You may even reach your boss’s voicemail so you don’t have to talk to them directly. You can also send your boss an email saying that you’re sick if you don’t want to talk on the phone, but it may seem less believable.
Say you’re contagious or that your symptoms would disrupt your work. Speak slowly so it sounds like you’re exhausted and unfocused to make your symptoms sound more believable. Tell your boss that you’re not feeling well and that you want to stay home sick since you could pass the illness to your coworkers. Move the phone away from your mouth to cough a couple of times to make it seem like you have a sore throat so you’re more convincing. For example, you may say, “When I woke up, I had a sore throat and a terrible cough. I think I may have caught the flu. I don’t want anyone else to get sick, so I think it’s a good idea if I stayed home today.” Practice what you’re going to say a few times before you make the call so you can make it sound more believable.
Offer to make up work later to show that you’re still reliable. Let your boss know that you still want to get work done even though you’re missing a day. You can offer to make up work when you get back or ask them if you can do anything from home. This can help show your boss that you’re reliable and willing to do the work even when you’re not feeling well. Many times, your boss will tell you to work if you’re feeling up to it and will want you to recover quickly. If you don’t offer to make up work, it may seem like you’re faking your symptoms and they may be less likely to believe you.
Stay at home while you’re pretending to be sick so you don’t get caught. While it may be tempting to go out on your day off, it can have consequences if you get caught. Avoid going on social media or posting pictures of what you’re doing on the day you’re acting sick to make it seem like you’re actually in bed and resting. If your boss calls you later in the day, answer it as soon as you can so it doesn’t seem like you’re ignoring them. Getting caught while you’re faking sick could result in you getting fired. Avoid telling other people that you’re faking sick since they could let your boss or coworkers know.
Act like you’re still recovering when you come into work the next day. The next day that you go into work, don’t act like you’re fully healed yet. Apologize to your boss for missing a day, but let them know you’re starting to feel better. You may still cough a few times throughout the day or act exhausted to show you haven’t recovered completely.
Comments
0 comment