Texting Her
Wait a day or two. You don’t want to look desperate by texting immediately, but you also don’t want to wait too long. Many women say they lose interest if they don’t hear from a guy pretty soon after that initial exchange of numbers. About 24 to 36 hours is a good rule of thumb.
Text only to make contact. Use text messaging to communicate to her that you are interested in talking with her. Don’t allow texting to become a habitual exchange between the two of you. In addition, texting a lot with someone you don't know well can be awkward and she might read it as a sign that you're not really that interested.
Remind her about seeing you last. If you just met, re-introduce yourself; if she is someone you know or knew, but haven't texted with, mention that she gave you her number. If she doesn't have your number, she may not have any clue who you are when you first text. Try saying “Hi Stella. It’s me, Stanley, we talked on Monday.” If you exchanged some small talk, bring it up. Remind her that there was a spark of interest when you both met. Stay away from anything negative about the situation when you met. If she was irked about the long line at the DMV, don’t remind her of feeling irritated. Tell her how great it was talking with her. Say something like “Chatting with you made waiting in line actually fun.”
Pay attention to her texts. Follow her lead in terms of text lengths and complexity. Mirroring her sentence structure can strengthen a connection, because it suggests that the two of you are in sync with each other.
Watch what you text. The biggest drawback about texting is probably that it can’t communicate things like facial expression, tone of voice, or body language. So don’t make sarcastic remarks, or make remarks that read as critical, complaining, or insecure. She won’t be able to be charmed by your self-deprecating humor without seeing your cute grin and adorable shoulder shrug too.
Tell her you would rather talk than text. Let her know that texting with her is great, but you are hoping to talk on the phone with her. You could try saying something like "This is fun texting with you, and I'm sure talking with you will be even more fun."
Test the waters for a phone call. Don’t try to pin her down by making a phone date, but do let her know you intend to call. You want her to be sure about your level of interest, so when you sign off say something like "Let's talk soon." Kara King Kara King, Bestselling Author on Reclaiming Feminine Power When seeking a woman's returned call, lead with confident vulnerability by expressing genuine interest in knowing her better. Communicate that you prioritize who she is as a person, not merely what she offers physically. If met with initial silence, avoid self-deprecating or aggressive follow-ups, as these demonstrate neediness and disrespect. Give her space to assess her comfort and attraction levels before reapproaching with playful optimism.
Calling her
Have a reason for calling. Don’t call just to call, or just because you texted that you would call. You can come up with something to say from your previous conversations, and from information she has given you about herself. Try checking on something she was involved with or trying to get done. You could say, “So, how did your driver’s license photograph turn out?” Ask her if she likes or frequents the place where you two saw each other last. Check on how her day or week is going. If she mentioned her pet or pets, ask about how they are.
Pick a good time to call. If you got her number while she was at lunch, or while she was commuting to work or taking a coffee break mid-morning, try calling then. Don’t call early in the morning. Most people have a pretty tight morning schedule and can’t really take time for a phone conversation. Immediately after work might be a good time, but be aware that end of day routines are more variable than start of day. She may be meeting friends, or going to a class, or just looking forward to getting home and in front of the television. Don’t call past 7:00 or 7:30 pm. Just like morning routines, evening schedules can be very packed and very tight. You don’t want to interrupt her, and possibly annoy her, with a phone call when she’s trying to wind down for the evening.
Plan what you will say. Write it down and have it ready when you make your call. You need to have a plan for what you will say if she picks up, or what message you want to leave if she doesn’t. Have a script for the conversation if she answers, and one for leaving a message. This will keep you from stammering or rambling, and knowing exactly what you are going to say will help you focus more on how you sound rather what you are saying.
Set aside time for calling her. Pick a time in your day when you can be calm and focused, and when you have plenty of time in case she answers. Also, make sure you aren't in a noisy space that makes it hard to hear what you are saying. Do not call her while you are in distracting or stressful situations. Driving, waiting for your train or bus, or being in the middle of something else are all bad times to try to call. You don’t want to be tempted to yell at another driver or lose your train of thought because of multitasking. Do not call her just because you have some time on your hands. You don’t want her to think that you’re calling just because you haven’t anything better to do at the moment. Call when you're sure you won’t be interrupted by anything or anyone else. Turn off the television, shut down your computer, and turn your music off or to a very low volume. Focus your attention on the phone call and nothing else. Do not call from a crowded bar or restaurant, or while standing or walking in busy places like city streets or train stations. The chances of being interrupted or needing to hang up suddenly are huge, and you will be distracted as well as fighting to be heard over the noise.
Leaving a Message
Don’t leave a message with the first call. If she doesn’t pick up, hang up and wait to try again later or on another day. If she doesn't answer, figure out another possible time to try when she might be available. If you call during lunch, consider calling later at around 7:00 or 7:30. If you’re pretty sure she’s often available during the time you called, try the same time again in a day or two. Don’t wait more than one or two days to try again. If you have tried her a couple of times on different days or during different times of day, leave a message after the third attempt.
Leave your name and your number. Speak clearly and with a relaxed tone when you're leaving your message, and don't talk too fast; she might not get everything you say and you will sound nervous. Also refrain from talking in an exaggerated manner or too slowly. Leave your number twice, once at the beginning of your message, and once at the end. If this is a new acquaintance, remind her of who you are and when you met. Say something like “Hi Wendy, this is Peter. We met during lunch at Le Restaurant Cool on Monday.”
Refer to earlier texts. You can say that you’re interested in hearing about how her week has been since texting, or mention some personal information she texted about, like a pet or a project at work.
Set a timer. Your message should be no more than 30 seconds. A voicemail that goes on for more than that feels like it will never end, which is tedious. In addition, if you limit the amount of time you have, you won’t be tempted to ramble or find yourself stumbling over how to end your message.
Check in about when to call. Don’t say “Hey I tried you at this time and that time. What’s up? When can I get you on the phone?” She knows that you called, and when you called. Just say “I hope this is a good time to call, but if not, really sorry and I’ll try another time ok?”
Keep it light. Do not talk about anything negative. Don’t complain, and don’t whine about how hard she is to get on the phone. You want to make sure she has nothing but positive feelings associated with you, and nothing but positive expectations about calling you back.
Give her a reason to call back. Don’t ask her out, or tell her that you want to make plans. Instead, ask a question or a small favor. Ask for information about the place where you saw her. For instance, you could say “I’ve been thinking about taking that class at the gym, and I’d love to hear what you think about it.” Tell her you have some point of interest about something she’s told you, like a good dog walking service or a great place for sushi. Check in about how some project or activity is going.
Waiting for a Response
Don’t make repeated calls. Make a plan about when you will call, and how much time you will wait between calls. Make no more than two calls on any given day, and then only if you’re trying to figure out when she might be available to talk. Don’t make more than three calls in one week. Give her a chance to find time to get back to you. Don’t call on consecutive days unless you’re trying her at a time that you think she’s available. Even in this instance, make calls on consecutive days only once during the week. Wait for the next week before any follow up calls.
Set a time limit for waiting. After you have left an initial message, and made a follow up call or two, wait a couple of weeks before contacting her again.
Accept it if she doesn’t call you back. There may be any number of reasons why she hasn’t called back. Although it’s not carved in stone that she will never call back, it should be clear that she isn’t calling back at the moment. However, if you show her that you are the scary desperate guy that doesn’t know how to let things go, it’s pretty much guaranteed you will not hear from her ever.
Don’t take it personally. Don’t hold a grudge or indulge in negative self talk about yourself or her. Don’t demonize her, and don’t feel embarrassed about your interest in her. Life is long, timing is everything, and you never know where she might turn up one day. Meanwhile, get on with things.
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