Talking to Your Crush
Try to have confidence and act naturally. Confidence is attractive, so think positive thoughts about yourself. Tell yourself, “I've got this! I'm fun, easy to talk to, and a great person.” The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more at ease you’ll be when you talk to the girl you like. Additionally, keeping your cool will set the tone; she might get uncomfortable if you’re nervous and jittery. To relax before starting a conversation with the girl you like, try taking slow, deep breaths for a few minutes while imagining calming scenery.Look Your Best: When you approach the girl you like, make sure you’re well-groomed and put together. You’ll have a better shot at making a great impression if you look your best, and it can boost your confidence, too!
Break the ice with a joke or open-ended question. A joke can be a great way to break the ice, but you don’t want to be cheesy. If you’re not confident about your comedic timing, you could also just make an observation or ask a question. Just make sure whatever you say is open-ended, or invites a response from her. For instance, you could say, “So how about our math homework last night? It was so long, I thought the problems would never end!” or just ask, “Hey! How’s your day going?” If you don’t already know her that well, introduce yourself. Say something like, “Hey, how are you? I’m Sam—I’m in your history class. What do you think of Mr. Jones going off on Tyler like that yesterday?”
Pay her a thoughtful compliment. Think of a compliment that focuses on a quality you admire, like her sense of humor, style, or intelligence. Thoughtful compliments like these will probably make her feel more special than just saying something about her looks or body. For example, say, “I saw the school play last week, and you did a great job! You have a gorgeous voice,” or “Congrats on acing another test! You’re so smart!” If you do want to compliment her looks, keep it respectful. Try telling her, “You have really beautiful eyes,” or simply say, “You look really nice.”
Do your best to fill awkward silences. You don’t want to lose her interest or make things awkward, so try to keep the conversation flowing. It might be helpful to think of topics to talk about ahead of time. Asking questions that prompt more than a simple “Yes” or “No” can also help keep the conversation going. If you need to fill an awkward pause, try asking questions like “What do you like to do for fun,” “Do you have any pets,” or “What kind of music do you like?” Try to gauge her responses and body language if the conversation isn’t flowing well. If she’s giving you one-word responses or seems annoyed, give her space. Remember not to take it personally if she doesn’t want to talk. Maybe she’s just having a bad day.
Avoid coming on too strong. Don’t feel like you have to have a long, deep conversation with her every time you see her, especially at first. A simple wave or quick chat are better than begging for her attention. An air of mystery can be an attractive quality, so don’t lay all of your cards out on the table. Additionally, try to be mindful of your words and body language. It can be easy to talk too much or make awkward gestures when you’re nervous. Be yourself, but try to be cool, calm, and collected. While you don’t want to come on too strong, don’t go overboard with the hard-to-get game. Don’t, for instance, all out ignore her or flirt with other girls in front of her to make her jealous.
Give her hints that you might have feelings for her. As you start talking to her more often, get a little more flirty. Compliment her a little more, sit with her at lunch and, if you’re in school together, walk her to her next class. You could even say something like, “Well, maybe I like you a little bit,” or “Who knows, maybe I have a little crush on you.” Just try to let things happen naturally and get more at ease being around each other.
Asking Her Out
Choose a stress-free time and place to ask her out. If she’s fighting with her parents, stressed out about a test, or otherwise has a lot on her plate, she’s not going to be receptive. Set yourself up for success and ask her out when things are less hectic. Maybe you’re having lunch with her or chatting after school or work. If everything seems to be going well and she’s in good spirits, give it a shot!
Practice asking her out in the mirror. Before you go for it, think of a rough script to help you avoid getting tongue-tied. Try practicing in the mirror or jot down what you want to say to her. You don’t want to come off as robotic or over-rehearsed, but have an idea of what you want to say ahead of time.Try Saying: “Hey, I really like talking to you, and I think it’d be cool to get to know each other better. Maybe we could go out some time?”
Be honest and direct, but keep things light-hearted. Get to the point! Sometimes you have to be bold and express exactly what you want. Take a deep breath, do your best to stay cool, and tell her that you like her and would like to go out with her. For instance, you could say, “I think you're really cool, and it'd be fun to to hang out together more. What do you think about grabbing some food and seeing a movie this weekend?” While you should be honest, don’t go overboard and confess your deep love for her or say you can't live without her. Keep things low-key; just let her know you like her, enjoy spending time with her, and want to get to know her better.
Don’t take it personally if she says no. If she’s not interested, show her respect and handle rejection gracefully. Tell yourself, “I gave it a shot, and it's okay if she's not right for me. There are plenty of girls out there!” It may feel like she’s the only one for you now, and it's okay to be sad, but remind yourself that these feelings will go away in time. If you're down in the dumps, try listening to music, exercising, or doing an activity you enjoy. Talking to a friend or relative can also help you blow off steam. Sometimes 2 people just don’t click. That doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person. Maybe she has a particular type, or maybe she just has a lot going on in her life right now. In any case, if the answer is no, do your best to be chill about it.
Building a Connection
Learn more about her interests. Ask about her likes and dislikes and find out what you have in common. Actively listen to her when she talks about her passions to show that you’re sincerely interested in getting to know her. When you talk in person, hold eye contact and make gestures to show you’re actively listening, like nodding your head or saying “Uh-huh.” Be sure to give her your full attention when you’re having a conversation with her. Don’t play on your phone or text other people while she’s talking! It’s great if you like the same music or share a hobby, but keep in mind you don’t need to enjoy everything she likes. Be yourself instead of saying you like something just because she’s into it. Share what you have in common and respect your differences.
Come up with inside jokes. Inside jokes develop naturally, so try to be patient. When something makes you both crack up, take a mental note of it. Bring it up every now and then when you see her and have a good laugh together. Sharing jokes and laughing together can help you strengthen your connection. Keep in mind you don’t want to play an inside joke out so much that it becomes stale. If a silly word or catch phrase makes you both laugh, you don’t need to bring it up every other minute.Ask for Her Number: If you don’t already have her number, you could say, “There’s this really funny meme I want to text you. What’s your number?”
Hang out in low-stakes, low-pressure situations. You could take a stroll in the park together or go for a bike ride. If you have dogs, ask her if she'd like to walk them together. In addition to hanging out one-on-one, you could also hang out with friends, which can help you spend time together without putting too much pressure on yourselves. When you first start hanging out, you might be nervous or feel awkward. Low-pressure situations and going out together with friends can help you get more comfortable being around each other. Other good date options include fun, exciting activities that you both enjoy. You could, for example, go skating, play arcade or video games, or go to an amusement park.
Offer your support if she’s having a rough day. If she’s sad or angry, let her vent her feelings. Give her advice if she wants to hear it; if she just needs to blow off steam, lend her your ear. In addition to having fun together, offering each other emotional support is important for any relationship. This helps a connection grow from simple attraction to deep, loving affection.
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