Appearing Friendly to Your Crush
Make eye contact. Eye contact shows that you’re paying attention and care about what a person is saying. It’s also a silent form of communication. In general, try to maintain eye contact for about 30-60% of a conversation, particularly during the part of a conversation when you’re listening, not speaking. Don’t stare, because this can make people feel uncomfortable and communicate hostility. Too little eye contact makes you seem insincere or uninterested.
Smile and laugh. A happy face makes you appear approachable, friendly, and fun. This is exactly what you want to look like if you want your crush to notice and approach you. Not smiling can make you look disinterested or even hostile. In one study, 60% of men described images of unsmiling women as “moody,” and 66% of women described unsmiling women as “disinterested.” As an added bonus, smiling and laughter can actually make you feel happier. With all of this in mind, you don't have to smile if someone tells orders you to! Only smile if you feel like it. EXPERT TIP Cher Gopman Cher Gopman Dating Coach Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post. Cher Gopman Cher Gopman Dating Coach Smiling and eye contact are very important. A smile allows the other person to feel at ease with you. Eye contact shows that you're present in the moment. Just make sure to balance moments of eye contact with looking away so that you don't come off as intimidating.
Have good posture. Keep your back straight and chin up. Put your shoulders back, but not too far. This shows confidence and energy. Keep your legs and arms relaxed instead of crossing them. This conveys openness and friendliness. Get in the habit of doing some simple exercises to improve your posture. Do yoga, pilates, or other stretching. Try to avoid slouching or leaning against the wall, because this implies insecurity or disinterest.
Take the initiative. Don’t be afraid to say hello! Girls are often taught to sit back and wait to be approached, but it can be very attractive, and you can stand out from the crowd, if you speak up instead of waiting around.
Looking Your Best So Your Crush Will Notice You
Groom yourself. Studies have shown again and again that grooming is the most important element of attractiveness. Shower often. You shouldn’t necessarily style your hair like you’re going to prom all the time, and don’t feel like you need to spend hours with the curling iron and hairspray, but be sure your hair looks clean. Sometimes the amount and type of grooming that you will do depends on the type of person you want to attract. Some people are more attracted to a rugged, outdoors type, while others prefer a more put-together appearance. Smell your best. Wear deodorant, and bathe regularly, but don’t overdo it on the perfume, body spray, or lotion. You don’t want to make your crush sneeze or get a headache because you are wearing too much scent.
Dress in an outfit that makes you feel confident. In general, research shows that neat, well fitting, and more formal clothes are considered the most attractive. That is, clothes should be free of holes, well-laundered, flattering to your shape, and typically on the classier side. That said, it all depends on who you’re trying to attract. Some people find a more casual look appealing. No matter what style you choose, pick clothing that you feel good in, so that you will look and feel more confident. Some researchers believe that wearing red makes you more attractive.
Keep your teeth clean. According to one study, teeth are “the human equivalent of a peacock’s tail.” The study showed that people with whiter, brighter, more evenly spaced teeth were rated more attractive than others. Be sure to brush and floss those pearly whites, and if you’ve had the privilege of orthodontia, wear your retainer!
Flirting Subtly With Your Crush
Listen attentively. Subtly let your crush know that you are interested in them simply by paying attention when they speak. You don’t have to hang attentively on every word, but make it clear that you care about what they are saying by nodding, smiling, and responding when appropriate. Ask questions about what they say. If your crush is telling you that he’s sad about his grandma dying, ask about what he liked to do with his grandma. If your crush is excited about her basketball game tonight, ask what position she plays. You’ll be especially glad that you listened carefully the next time you see your crush, because you’ll have a basis for conversation already. You may have even developed an inside joke with them, which can be great for creating lasting relationships.
Get to know your crush’s friends. This can help you learn more about your crush to help you determine whether you are truly compatible or not. It can also lead to increased interactions with your crush, which will make it more likely that they will notice you. Of course, there’s always the added bonus of making new friends too, even if your crush never notices you.
Talk even if it’s difficult. If you are particularly nervous around your crush, it might be hard to make conversation. Try to think of conversation topics before you see them. Think about what you have in common, who your common friends are, what upcoming events you might both be excited about (or dreading), and see if you can come up with a few different topics in your head. Joking around is a great way to interact with your crush, but be careful not to make jokes at the expense of others. You don’t want to seem like a bully or a mean person just to get someone’s attention.
Ask them to do things together. You might want to start by asking them to be part of a group you’re organizing. This can be a group doing a school project or a group getting together to go to the movies. Just make it clear that you’re interested in having them around. After you’ve done some group activities together and feel comfortable, then ask them to do something with you one-on-one. Oddly enough, one study with over 1,000 participants found that people who rode rollercoasters found their non-romantic friends more attractive after a ride on a roller coaster than before. So maybe a trip to a fair or an amusement park is in order!
Touch incidentally. If you sit down next to your crush and your legs bump each other, pay attention to whether they jump away quickly or let their leg linger. If they let the touch continue, it’s possible that they are interested in you, so you might want to escalate the touch ever-so-slightly by casually letting your arm touch theirs the next time you’re at your lockers together. Don’t escalate until your crush reciprocates or lingers. They might also be super shy and feel terrified when their arm touches yours, so be respectful of their comfort level and don’t touch them if they seem uncomfortable. Even if they jump away when you touch, that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like you, so try some other tactics if you suspect that’s the case.
Be yourself. This is the hardest part! If you try to follow every piece of advice you have ever heard about getting someone to notice you, you may find that you feel fake or overwhelmed. When in doubt, just try to act as naturally as possible. Treat your crush like you treat your friends, and odds are good they’ll pay attention to you eventually.
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