Protecting Yourself From a Bully
Unfriend her on Facebook. Cyberbullying is just as hurtful and harmful as real life bullying. People can easily use your social media profile as a place to spread rumors and share unwanted information. Unfriending the girl on Facebook will stop her from blowing up your page with potentially rude comments or photos. Plus, deleting her from your profile will show her that you’re not interested in further communication. To unfriend someone on Facebook, go to their page, click on Friends, and then click on “unfriend.” This goes for all forms of social media. Unfollow her on Instagram and Twitter and don’t watch her Snapchat story.
Walk away. Bullies like to feel as if they have control over your emotions and actions. They’re looking to provoke a specific reaction from you. Walking away will not only keep you from engaging in a conflict, but will show the bully that you’re not willing to let her have any form of control over your life. Avoid making eye contact. Keep your head held high and look straight ahead. This will show her that you’re above any kind of petty interactions.
Find sources of support. Talk to a trusted outsider about a girl who is mistreating you. Somebody else might be able to help you deal with the problem better than you can yourself. If you are being bullied by a girl in school, talk to a teacher, parent, or other trusted adult figure about how to handle the situation. An adult will be able to help you and prevent the girl from being aggressive with others later on. If you are dealing with a romantic or workplace issue, try having a friend mediate a conversation or seek the help of a counselor.
Take the high road. It might be tempting to be mean right back when a girl is attacking you either in person or behind your back. Don't gossip, yell, or cause drama. Be an example of good behavior. If she sees you acting kindly, she will be forced to reconsider her own behavior. If she attempts to get other people on your back, calmly explain to them what's really going on. It’s important not to perpetuate further gossip among 3rd parties. Say something like: “I don’t know what Sarah’s told you, but here’s my take on the situation.”
Standing Up to a Bully
Don’t engage with a bully. One of the best ways to ignore somebody is to show them that you’re disinterested in communicating with them. If a girl is bully with you, don’t stoop to her level. Instead, try not to engage in distasteful conversation. Be as formal and polite as you can so that she’ll have no choice but to leave you alone. Say you run into the girl at school, and she starts yelling at you from across the hall. Don’t respond. Politely say “excuse me” and keep walking forward.
Try not to take it personally. Usually, bullies act the way they do out of low self-esteem. Oftentimes they are targeting you just because they need somebody to pick on, so it is important to avoid taking the bullying personally. To avoid taking the bullying personally, try considering the importance of the relationship. Is this someone you really care about, or someone who you just know? Does his or her opinion really matter? Will it affect how those who really care about you will treat you? You can also try thinking about how this person treats other people and why. Is she mean to most people or does she pick on a select few people? Why do you think she does this? Is she insecure? Does she struggle at school? Is there something else that might be causing her to lash out?
Find the humor in the situation. Laughing at mean comments will make you feel better about yourself, and will also confuse the girl so much that she might stop. Bullies are looking to provoke you, and if you respond with a positive attitude, they will likely stop feeling the need to pick on you.
Try to empathize with the bully. Bullies act out because they themselves feel hurt or misunderstood. Try to see the girl as a human being who is hurting, and who is dealing with her problems by trying to make you hurt, too. Don’t let her do this to you. Instead, feel empathy for the girl and don’t let her get to you.
Stand up for yourself. If ignoring her still doesn’t work, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Try not to yell or get too worked up. Say something simple and direct, like: "I don’t like the way you’re treating me. This needs to stop.” Saying something honest is always disarming. If you encounter the girl and she is being loud and mean, quietly say “I’m really bothered that you’re acting this way” instead of coming back with an equally offensive comment.
Remedying the Situation
Take responsibility. If a girl hates you, there could very well be a reason why. Instead of spending the rest of your life ignoring her, take accountability for whatever actions caused her to hate you. It’s best to confront her about this in a private setting. The easiest way to take responsibility is to apologize. Take the girl aside and say, “I know you’re really mad at me for how I treated you last semester and I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I hope we can work things out so that you don’t feel this much anger towards me.”
Initiate a conversation. Whether a girl hates you because of something you did or simply because she’s a bully, it’s a good idea to talk through the issue. Ask the girl to join you for a coffee or tea so that you can work out what’s bothering her. Even if you haven’t done anything wrong and are baffled as to why you’re being picked on, it’s still a good idea to get some clarity on the situation. Plan to talk in a quiet but public place to ensure privacy and safety. Say to her: “I’d really like for us to work out this issue together. Can we meet at Starbucks later this afternoon to talk it out?” Use “I” statements to avoid making her feel defensive. For example, you can say something like, “I feel sad when you call me names.” Say what you would like to have happen. For example, you might say something like, “I’d like for you to stop calling me names.” Avoid criticizing, threatening, advising, or assuming that you know what she is thinking. Stick to saying how you feel and what you want. If you are dealing with a bully in school, have an adult mediate a conversation.
Change your own behavior. You can't control other people’s actions, but you can control your own. Depending on the situation, there are a few ways you can radically change your behavior so that the girl will stop seeing you as someone to hate. If you’re being bullied, try to see that the girl is probably bullying because she is in some kind of personal pain. Say something nice to her every once in a while or invite her to sit with you at lunch and see if she changes her attitude towards you. If you have wronged the girl in the past, a great way to change your actions is to do something kind for her. Buy her a coffee or a chocolate bar with a note attached saying you’d like to be on better terms. This might not make the girl like you any better, but at least you’ve sent out a positive message.
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