How to Ignore People Who Try to Pick on You

Holding Back Your Reaction

Don’t make eye contact with the person. The bully is looking for your reaction, and making direct eye contact can end badly. Direct eye contact can be seen as an act of aggression. You do not want to push the aggression to the point of becoming physical. Do not give the bully any of your direct attention. Try to stay neutral and not look at him or her.

Keep walking or doing whatever you were doing. If the bully is just talking mean to you, you can try ignoring him or her as if the person hadn’t said anything. In the case that the bully acts out physically you need to treat this as a serious matter and not ignore it. Sometimes, a bully may pick on you because you are smarter or better at something than he or she is. Ignore negative comments tied to your success and just enjoy the success. Put your shoulders back and hold your head high as you want past the bully. Do not give off non-verbal signs that you are fearful. Make a phone call. Stay focused on your conversation. Just keep doing your thing to silently shush a bully.

Count backwards from 100 silently in your head. Finding a distraction as simple as counting backwards can help you to not show a big reaction to the bully and avoid giving him or her the negative feedback that is desired.

Make up a funny or inspiring chant to repeat to yourself. Think positive thoughts even if you do not feel so great. This allows you to ignore the bully and possibly even deter future behavior. Say to yourself something like “I will not allow anyone to make my day bad” or “I am the picture of calm.” You can even read through an uplifting book or put in your headphones to listen to soothing music. These are all positive ways to distract yourself from teasing.

Protecting Yourself from Bullies

Maintain a log of incidents. Write down everything that happens. Do not simply ignore the behavior. Part of defining bullying behavior is establishing a pattern. Keeping a journal or log can help you create a timeline of events to share with an adult who may be able to help you. There is a difference between ignoring the mean behavior in the moment and letting it go without taking action. You can choose to not react to the negative but still take note of this serious behavior to access help later.

Stand up for yourself if ignoring doesn’t work. Be assertive and stay calm. Act with confidence and respect. The point is to end the bullying not to become a bully. Do not engage in the same type of behavior they bully is doing, instead stand tall and address the words the bully is saying head on. Say something to the effect of “Stop!” If the person is calling you a strange name provide them with your name “My name is actually Mark. Please call me that.” If the person has touched you in an aggressive or teasing manner simply say “Get your hands off me.”

Be compassionate towards the person picking on you. Often the best tool to combat a bully is compassion. Learn to stand strong without putting the bully down or embarrassing him or her. Offer compassion and make it a win for both of you. You can silently wish the person good thoughts by saying repeating to yourself “May you overcome your hatred and have a positive day” while thinking of the other person.

Confide in a friend, parent or counselor. Counselors at school are trained to help in this situation and can often work with ending the bullying or finding short-term solutions like a schedule change to avoid the issues while it is being dealt with.

Report the problem to an administrator. Most schools have procedures in place to deal with bullying and the principal will normally do this right away. If there is ever a threat of violence or you know the bully has access to weapons, tell an adult it is an emergency. Some threats may turn out to be nothing, but you have no way of knowing if they are serious. It is better to treat the threat as being real. Sadly, since many school shootings started out as known threats that were not taken seriously, it is always better to ask for help and make sure everyone is safe. Ask about any apps or special reporting systems your school uses. Some schools use smart phone apps, such as STOPit to make it easier for students to report bullying or get help.

Using Strategies to Avoid the Person

Stay near friends or a teacher between classes. Bullies often try to do things in secret so walk with friends and talk to them as if the bully is not there. Bullies thrive on power and intimidation. The balance of power is shifted with teachers or other people around, and the bullies will more than likely lose interest. Neutralize the balance of power—by having someone else nearby— and you may be able to take the impact out of the negative behavior.

Use a different route that the person doesn’t take. Don’t give the bully a chance to interact with you if you are able to. You can be aware of where the bully is without making it obvious you are watching. Learn habits and schedule of the bully so you can try to avoid crossing paths. Generally your school will have several ways to get between classes. Use a route that you know the bully would not use. Trying different ways to get from class to class each day will also make you harder to find to be picked on. Most bullies are not going to hunt all over for you.

Change classes or buses, if possible. The bully is looking for someone close to pick on. Removing yourself from their path often ends the problem. When you ask about these changes, be honest about why they need to be done. You are more likely to get help if you make clear there is a pattern of bad behavior and these small changes may end that behavior. It is usually easier to ask for a move for yourself than to expect the bully to be removed.