How to Smoke Without Getting Caught

Smoking in the Bathroom

Seal the door gaps with towels. To prevent any smoke from seeping under the door, you should roll up a towel and lay it out in front of the gap at the bottom of the door. Make sure that the towel extends from end to end of the door and that it is pressed close against the gap.

Run the shower. Taking a shower is a good excuse for spending lots of time in the bathroom and the steam will also blend with the smoke and help to cover up the odor. The sound of the shower will also help to mask the sounds of a lighter striking or of you puffing and exhaling smoke. You may also want to play some music on your phone to provide an extra layer of sound protection. Make sure that you actually take a shower (or at least get your hair wet so it looks like you took a shower) or people will be suspicious.

Direct smoke outside or towards a vent if possible. As you smoke, make sure that you direct your smoke towards an open window or towards a vent. You may want to check out the window first to be sure nobody is outside who might see the smoke escaping from the window.

Wash your hair. If you have time to actually take a shower, then make sure that you shampoo your hair. The aromatic qualities of the shampoo will quickly fill the room, making any smoke odors difficult to detect. You can also pour a bit of shampoo into the sink and fill it up with hot water if you don’t have time to wash your hair.

Flush ashes or other evidence. After you are done smoking, empty your pipe or toss the remains of your cigarette into the toilet and flush them. Do one last check of the bathroom to be sure that there are no ashes on the floor or anything else that might signal to someone that you were smoking in the bathroom.

Cover up any lingering smells with air freshener. Try to get an air freshener that has a strong scent and that also neutralizes odors. Spray lots of air freshener before you exit the bathroom. If you do not have any air freshener on hand, then body spray, cologne, or perfume can also work to cover up the smell. Spray it on yourself and around the bathroom as well.

Smoking in Your Bedroom

Cover your hair. Hair is quite porous and it tends to hold onto smells more than your skin does. Tie back long hair and cover it with a bandanna or towel to prevent the smoke from getting to your hair. If you have a plastic shower cap, then this is ideal because the plastic will protect your hair and it will not pick up any of the smoke’s smell either.

Protect your clothing. The more clothing that you have on, the more likely you will be to collect smoke smell on your clothes. Consider taking off your shirt when you smoke or at least roll up your sleeves. You might also consider wearing a designated smoking jacket (or sweatshirt) when you smoke. You can keep it hidden in your room somewhere and wear it when you need to smoke. Make sure that you wash it at least once per week to keep it from smelling too much.

Burn some incense or a scented candle. You will need to have something to cover up the smell of the smoke, so try lighting a couple of sticks of incense or a scented candle. If you don’t have any of these things, then you can also spray some air freshener around your room before and after you start smoking.

Block smoke from exiting under your bedroom door. To prevent smoke from escaping to other parts of your house, place a damp towel along the crack beneath your bedroom door. The damp towel will not only block the smoke from getting out of your room and absorb some of the odor as well.

Open a window. You want to try to direct as much smoke as possible out of your room. If smoke can't exit through an open window or duct, the smoke will leave its odor on walls, carpets, furniture and linens. If you happen to have a fireplace duct in your room, then that is even better. Fireplaces are specifically designed to allow smoke to escape a building, so it will be easier to direct smoke out of your room if your room has a fireplace duct.

Blow smoke toward the exit with a fan. The better the ventilation of your smoking room, the less likely you are to be caught smoking indoors. Turn on a fan to push the smoke toward the window and to help disperse it after it forms. A tabletop fan pointed toward an open window or air duct is ideal. If you are smoking in a bathroom with a ventilator or exhaust fan, turn it on and aim the smoke toward it to quickly eliminate visible smoke and odors. The special ventilators work by sucking up excess moisture and air particles.

Cover up any lingering smell. Even though you may have kept the smoke from filling your room, you will most likely have some lingering smoke smell on you. Do what you can to cover up the smell of the smoke. For example, you can apply some aftershave on your fingertips, peel and eat an orange, or use a strong scented body spray on yourself.

Filtering Smoke Through a Sploof

Gather sploof materials. Start saving up empty toilet paper rolls and keep a box of dryer sheets handy for when you want to smoke without anyone knowing. You can blow your smoke into the dryer sheet-stuffed tube and it will pass through smelling like the dryer sheets. You can also use an empty 20-ounce soda bottle with the bottom removed. These work great since the bottle is already made to fit in your mouth.

Stuff three or four scented dryer sheets into the tube. Ensure that they're evenly spread between each opening so that the smoke will have to pass through the dryer sheets. If you are making a sploof from a soda bottle, use six or seven dryer sheets.

Exhale smoke into the sploof. After you take a drag on your cigarette or pipe, place one end of the toilet paper roll over your mouth and exhale into the tube. Make sure that you blow all of smoke into the tube. When the smoke comes out on the other side, it will smell dryer fresh. If you can't make a sploof, simply blow your smoke into a damp towel, t-shirt or other fabric. The moist material will absorb the smoke and its odor. Be sure you use fabric that's not frequently used and launder it immediately after you smoke.

Disposing of the Evidence

Extinguish your cigarette, pipe, or joint. If you are done smoking but your cigarette, pipe or joint is still lit, then you will want to put it out right away. The best way to put out a lit cigarette is by stubbing it in an ashtray or by dousing it in water. To put out a pipe, you can just stop puffing and it should go out on its own after a minute or two. You can also cover the bowl with your hand (as long as it is not too hot) and the lack of oxygen should put it out. If the bowl is hot, then use a few drops of water. To put out a joint, you can stub it in an ashtray or use a bit of water to put out the ember at the end. Just be careful not to get the whole thing wet or you won’t be able to smoke the rest of the joint.

Clean your ash tray. If you used a small plate, cup, or jar as a makeshift ashtray, be sure to clean it well with hot water and a bit of soap until the ash is gone. If you used an empty can or some other disposable item, then you can just throw it away. Just make sure that it is covered up in the trash can. You may also want to clean it out first to prevent any odors from coming from it.

Dispose of the evidence. The easiest way to dispose of ashes or butts is to flush them down a toilet. Cover the cigarette in toilet paper to reduce the chance of ash and other debris floating back up. If you're nervous about flushing your evidence down the toilet, you can also seal the ashes and/or butts in a plastic bag and toss the evidence into a public trash can when you are out.

Wash away any lingering smoke or odors. Even when you are done smoking, its smell can remain on hands, breath and clothing. Washing your hands, brushing your teeth, showering and changing your clothes will help to eliminate any lasting scents. Wash your hands. Wash your hands with lots of soap after you finish smoking. Washing with hot water alone won't be enough to rub off the smell. If you don’t have access to a bathroom right away, then use some alcohol-based hand sanitizer. Brush your teeth. Your teeth and breath will also hold a lingering odor after you've smoked. Be sure to brush your teeth for at least two minutes, with special attention given to the tongue and gums. You can also spruce up your breath by using mouth wash or eating a mint-flavored candy or gum. Take a shower. Smoke will linger on any body part it touches, so showering is the most important part of your post-smoking routine. Use plenty of soap, shampoo and shower gel, paying special attention to your hair, which most often retains the smell of smoke. Change your clothes. Once you're out of the shower, you'll want to put on a fresh pair of clothes. No matter how diligently you directed smoke outdoors, some of the odor will still linger on your clothes. Be sure you are the person who launders the discarded clothes to avoid being caught.