What Does Orbiting Mean In Dating?

What is orbiting?

Orbiting is when someone you used to date keeps tabs on you on social media but doesn’t directly reach out. Orbiting can happen after a breakup or after somebody ghosts you. The orbiter may continue following you on social media, liking your posts and stories, and even commenting on your posts. But they never directly reach out to talk, which can make the whole thing feel confusing and nerve-racking. Signs of Orbiting: Your ex likes, watches, comments on, and/or shares your online posts without ever texting or talking to you directly. While orbiting typically refers to the behavior of a past romantic partner, technically, anyone can orbit you, like old classmates, coworkers, friends, etc.

Why do people orbit?

They’re curious about what you’ve been up to. Some orbiters are curious about your life now that they’re not in it, but don’t want to ask you directly. Whether it’s because of how the relationship ended or because of their own anxiety about ghosting you, it’s human nature to be curious about people you used to be close to, so it’s not surprising that some orbiters want to be up to date on your life, especially since they’re no longer a part of it.

They still have feelings for you. According to certified professional matchmaker Julia McCurley, your ex may still have feelings for you if they’re staying connected on social media. If you notice an ex orbiting you, occasionally commenting on and liking your posts, it’s very possible they still have feelings for you and are struggling to move on.

They want to get your attention. For some people, orbiting is a strategic way to get you to notice them, as they know you’ll see their name when they view, like, comment, and share posts on your socials. They’re essentially trying to stay in your head so you keep thinking about them. It’s not why everyone orbits, but for some people, it’s their way of making sure you don’t forget about them.

They’re lonely. For some orbiters, seeing your latest stories or posts can fill the gap from no longer being in your life. Checking in on your socials might be how they handle their feelings of loneliness, even if it ends up making them feel worse in the long run.

They’re jealous. Whether they’re jealous of you, your new partner, or how you’ve been carrying yourself since they’re no longer in your life, orbiters may be acting out of jealousy. After they’ve exited your life, they may expect you to be pining for them or waiting for their return. So when they hear that you’re talking to someone new, or they notice that you’ve improved your life, they may start checking in on you to see what’s going on.

The Issues with Orbiting

Orbiting can be confusing and upsetting to the person being orbited. If the relationship ended on bad terms, or if the person being orbited was ghosted, it can be confusing when they see their ex showing up in their likes and views. Plus, the person being orbited might be trying to move on. Seeing your ex’s name pop-up in your notifications all the time can make it a lot harder to do that.

Orbiting sends mixed signals. This is especially the case if the orbiter originally ghosted the person they’re orbiting. First, they ended all communication and cut the person out of their life, and now they’re suddenly keeping tabs on the person they ghosted and interacting with their socials. This can feel like a confusing 180 to the person on the receiving end of the orbiting behavior.

Orbiting erodes boundaries. After some breakups, both people agree to stop all contact and avoid seeing each other in person. Orbiting is a way to skirt those boundaries—it’s not technically direct communication, but it’s still one person inserting themselves into the other person’s life, which can feel like a violation of the boundaries established during the breakup.

What to Do If Someone Is Orbiting You

Ignore the orbiting if it isn’t a big deal to you. At the end of the day, if you’re able to move on with your life and not be affected by your ex’s orbiting, letting it go may be your best bet. You deserve to focus on yourself and start a new chapter, and you don’t owe your ex a response to their likes, comments, etc., especially if they ghosted you.

Ask them to stop if it starts making you uncomfortable. Whether you reach out through social media or directly call them out in person is up to you, but if someone is orbiting you and you’re not comfortable with it, call them out and ask them to stop. Say something like, “Hey, I’m not sure what’s going on between us or why you’ve been keeping up with me online, but it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. I would really appreciate it if you stopped.”

Block them if they refuse to stop orbiting. If an ex or someone else is orbiting you to the point of harassment and refuses to respect your boundaries, relationship coach Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D., says to “block them on everything, and if it gets dangerous, contact law enforcement.” They may be looking for closure, but it’s not your responsibility to help them find that if you’ve already hashed out the breakup.

Similar Dating Terms

Ghosting In a relationship, ghosting is when a lover, romantic interest, or someone you’ve been talking to for some time suddenly ceases communication without any explanation. It’s like they dropped off the face of the earth, suddenly vanishing without telling you why. Ghosting may involve blocking your number, unfollowing you on social media, or disappearing from your life entirely.

Breadcrumbing Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you small crumbs of love and/or attention over time to keep you interested in them. When people do this, they typically aren’t interested in building a genuine relationship with you. Some breadcrumbers may enjoy the attention they receive, while others may not be ready to cut you out of their lives yet.

Caspering Caspering is a friendly form of ghosting where someone gradually reduces the amount of attention they give you until they stop talking to you entirely. They may occasionally text you, agree to plans without setting any major dates, and say that they’re eager to see you, but their actions will say otherwise, and they will gradually say this less and less until you either take the hint or they go ghost.

Zombieing Zombieing is when someone ghosts you, but eventually comes back around to your life, often acting like nothing happened. It’s like they’re rising from the ashes like a zombie! They may send a quick text, reply to your Instagram story, or try to work their way back into your life. If someone zombies you, proceed with caution, as it’s a sign that they have poor communication skills.