Keeping a Conversation Flowing
Be open about yourself and your experiences. Any chat or conversation is a two-way street; you need to be able to express your own thoughts and opinions while listening to what the girl says too. Talk about yourself in the conversation. For example, if you’re discussing music, you’ll need to share your own opinions and thoughts about your favorite songs. It’s important that you don’t go overboard and dominate the conversation, or lecture the girl on one of your favorite topics. Try to keep the chat balanced; each of you should talk roughly the same amount.
Compliment her. Everyone likes to receive thoughtful, sincere compliments. Use the occasional compliment as a part of your chat with a girl. You can do this to show your interest in keeping the conversation going, and your appreciation for the girl as a person. Say something like: “That was a very articulate thing to say; I like how you worded that answer.” “You’re very funny—I think we have similar senses of humor.” While sincere compliments are fine, pick-up lines or sexual advances are not. Avoid these types of comments in your conversation.
Ask her questions about herself. It’s polite to show personal interest in the girl you’re chatting with. Questions will also help keep the conversation moving, and allow the two of you to find common ground. Ask questions about where she grew up; what kind of music, food, and TV she likes; where she would like to travel to on vacation; or what books she likes to read. Don’t go overboard with questions; you need to show some restraint. Asking too many questions can be seen as prying, and you may motivate the girl to cut the conversation short. Asking too many questions can also be seen as a sign that you have nothing to talk about and are desperate for topics.
Stay relaxed while speaking. When talking with someone (especially if it’s someone you find attractive or don’t know very well), it’s easy to become nervous or to feel anxious that the conversation isn’t going well. Stay relaxed while talking, and take a deep breath if you feel your heart start to race. For all you know, the girl you’re talking to could be just as anxious about the conversation as you are!
Coming up with Conversation Topics
Find some common ground. If the girl you’ve started chatting with is a stranger to you (or someone that you barely know), it’s important to find topics that you and her both have in common. For example, maybe you both go to the same school, live in the same neighborhood, or both study the same subject. Finding these commonalities will make further conversation more interesting. For example, ask: “What part of the state did you grow up in?” “What’s your major in college?”
Discuss topics that she likes. Pay attention during your conversation, and note which types of topics the girl seems to enjoy most, or which she expresses an interest in. Then, bring these up again later to continue the conversation and learn more about the girl. For example, if you know that she likes art, you could deliberately steer the conversation towards famous painters. Or, if the girl mentions an interest in soccer, bring up your own favorite soccer players or teams.
Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. The girl you’re speaking to will not enjoy the conversation if her only answers to your questions are “yes” or “no,” as these answers can quickly become repetitive or boring. Instead, come up with some questions that ask her about her past or make her think, and that will result in a longer, more complex answer. Try asking something like: “What movie or book character are you most like?” “What are some of your irrational pet peeves?” “What is an unusual fear or phobia that you have?”
Avoid controversial or sensitive topics. If you’re in the early stages of chatting with a girl and looking for ways to continue the chat, do not bring up topics that could lead to serious disagreement. Don’t make the girl uncomfortable with probing questions about her exes or past relationships, and also avoid sharing strong opinions on politics. Of course, if you and this girl end up getting to know one another better, these types of topics can lead to important and serious conversation.
Chatting with a Girl Online
Ask questions that will lead to back-and-forth chatting. Questions are crucial to any online (or in-person) chat, as they allow both partners to participate evenly and will keep the conversation interesting. Avoid overly serious (or sexual) questions, and instead ask questions that focus on her interests. To continue the chat, ask questions like: “What kind of music do you listen to most often?” “What’s your favorite movie quote to use in conversation?” “What’s your favorite restaurant to order take-out from?”
Keep the conversation light. If you’ve matched with a girl on a dating app or website (like Tinder or Plenty of Fish) and are interested in maintaining a conversation, keep things light and fun. At least for the early stage of a chat conversation, avoid bringing up politics, religion, or any philosophical beliefs you may hold. If you start out with long, serious questions or statements, the chat will quickly become unpleasant and slow-paced for both you and the girl you’re talking with.
Send her videos or pictures. Chatting with a girl online will allow you to communicate in ways that talking face-to-face won’t. Take advantage of the ability to send multimedia (audio, photos, videos, etc.) to each other, and use this to enhance or continue the conversation. Send a funny video or GIF and ask the girl if she’s seen it before. Then, ask the girl to send you one of her favorite funny GIFs or short videos. Agree to answer a few of each other’s questions using only memes.
Leave the door open for further conversations. If you’d like to talk with this girl again, end your current chat in a way that can lead to future conversation. Pick up on cues from the conversation(s) you’ve already had, and make it clear that you’d like to talk about a certain topic again. Or, if you don’t hear back from this girl within a week or so, you can use a topic as a conversation opener for the next chat. For example, if she mentioned that she has an upcoming exam, you could say, “Let me know if you survive that test!” Or, if she’s mentioned that she’s planning to watch a movie or TV show, try saying: “Tell me what you think of the show once you’ve watched it.”
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