Telling Him How You Feel
Acknowledge your feelings rather than trying to ignore them. Pretending that you don’t have feelings for your guy friend won’t make them go away. First and foremost, admit to yourself that you like this guy. Even if he’s not available or he doesn’t return your feelings, it’s important to be honest with yourself. Try simply saying out loud to yourself, “I like my friend Derek and I wish he was more than a friend. I’m worried it could hurt our friendship if I tell him, but I can’t deny how I feel.”
Decide if telling him how you feel might be an option. If your guy friend is available and you think there’s a chance he might like you, too, then you may consider telling him how you feel about him. It can be scary to do this since it could change your friendship, but there’s also the potential for a great romantic relationship if he feels the same way about you. Take some time to reflect on how he interacts with you and whether there might be something there. For example, has he ever flirted with you or dropped hints that he’s interested? Is he single? If you answered “yes” to these questions, then go ahead! Tell him how you feel about him. Tip: If you're not sure if he likes you, try flirting with him and see how he reacts. If he doesn't seem into it, then you can always just say, "I'm totally joking!" and laugh it off.
Tell the guy how you feel if they’re available and you feel ready. As long as your guy friend is not involved with someone else and as long as you think there could be a chance that they like you, it’s fine to tell them. You might never know if you don’t make the first move, so gather up your courage and tell him how you feel. Choose a time to talk when you’ll be alone with him. Try saying something casual and straightforward, such as, “I like you. Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?” Or, you could say, “We have an amazing friendship, and I don’t want to lose it, but I think I have feelings for you.” Reader Poll: We asked 461 wikiHow readers about the best ways to ask out or confess feelings to a friend, and 83% agreed that it’s best to have a face-to-face conversation about your romantic interest. [Take Poll]
Give him some time to think after you tell him how you feel. Even if your guy friend likes you back, he might be pretty surprised by your confession. Unless he immediately confesses that he likes you too and you seal the moment with a kiss, be prepared to give him some time to think about how he feels. He might have never thought of you that way before, so he might be unsure if he has feelings for you and need some time to reflect. Try saying something like, “You don’t have to tell me how you feel right away. Take all the time you need to think about it.”
Reducing Contact with Your Crush
Cut back on the amount of time you spend with your guy friend. If it turns out that your guy friend is not interested or not available for a relationship, such as if he’s dating someone else, then it’s important to cut way back on how often you see him. Being around him all the time can make it harder to get over a crush, especially if he’s involved with someone else. Look for other friends to spend time with and cancel upcoming plans with him if needed. Chances are he will understand what’s going on. However, if he questions why you’re cancelling plans with him, try saying something like, “I just have a lot going on right now, I might not see you much for a while.”
Unfollow your guy friend on social media. You don’t need to unfriend your guy friend, but seeing less of him on social media may help you to get over him faster. Unfollow or mute him on social media outlets, such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. When you are ready to go back to just being friends, you can follow him again, but give yourself at least a month before you do so.Tip: It might be helpful at first to stay off of social media altogether, since you may still encounter him in some ways, such as a post or picture that he’s tagged in.
Look for additional ways to avoid him if you see him every day. If you work or attend school together, you might need to start going out of your way to avoid him. Try taking a different route to school or work, sit somewhere else at lunch time, or change desks (with your boss or teacher’s permission). If you do run into him, plan an excuse so that you can limit the interaction. Try saying something like, “Sorry, I can’t talk, but I’m running late. Have a good day!”
Avoid spending time alone with your crush if they’re unavailable. Spending time alone with a crush who is unavailable due to a relationship is a potential recipe for disaster. If they have feelings for you too, then you might end up in a situation where you’re causing them to cheat on their significant other. This can lead to much bigger issues for your friend and it’s unlikely to end in a happy relationship for you. If you like him and he might like you but he’s already taken, then don’t spend time alone with him. Try making an excuse for why you can’t see him, such as that you’re not feeling well or that you have other plans. If you do have to see him, make sure that someone else will be there or bring along a friend.
Coping with Hurt Feelings
Cut contact with him completely if he rejects you or is unavailable. You’ll need time to process your feelings if he rejects you or if a relationship with him is not possible, such as if he’s already with someone else. Don’t call him, text him, or interact with him in any way for a while so you can work through your feelings. It can be hard to do this, especially if you’re close, but remember that it is what’s best for you. If he calls you, try letting it go to voicemail or have a friend answer and tell him you’re busy. If he asks why you’re not taking his calls any more or texting him, try saying something like, “I’ve just had a lot going on lately.”
Talk with a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. Venting to someone about how you feel and why things didn’t work out can be a great way to feel better. Choose a friend or family member who is a good listener and who cares about you. Tell them all about your crush and why it didn’t work out. They might even have some similar experiences, which may help you to feel less alone. Make sure to talk with someone who will keep what you say confidential, especially if the guy friend is already in a relationship.
Write about how you’re feeling if you need an additional outlet. Even after talking with someone about your feelings, you may still feel the need to talk. Writing can be a great way to get your feelings out when you can't talk with someone. Write about what happened and how it made you feel. Write as much or as often as needed until you feel better. Another option is to write about traits you liked about your guy friend, which might help you to find someone else you’ll click with when you're ready to start looking again. For example, if you like his smile and sense of humor, these can be important features to look for in the next person you date. Tip: If you prefer, you can also express your feelings through art, music, or any other form that you like.
Stay busy with other activities to distract yourself. If your emotions are overwhelming, then fill your days with lots of things to pre-occupy your mind. Make plans with your friends, learn a new hobby, exercise, read, visit a museum, volunteer for a local charity, or do something else that will keep you busy and make you feel good about yourself. If you’re in school, devote extra time to studying. If you work, ask your boss about any special projects you could get involved in.
Devote extra time to taking care of your needs. Self-care is a way of seeing to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs on a day-to-day basis. This involves many different things, and it’s especially important to keep up with your self-care during tumultuous periods in your life. Make sure that you are making time every day for things like: Personal hygiene, such as bathing and brushing your teeth Health and wellness, such as exercise and eating healthy Relaxation, such as doing yoga and meditating Doing things you enjoy, such as knitting, baking, or reading
Find a therapist if you’re experiencing ongoing feelings of sadness. If your feelings of sadness and longing over your crush do not go away within a month or if your feelings are interfering with your life, then you may benefit from speaking with a therapist. They can help you to find healthy tools to cope with negative emotions and work through your feelings for your guy friend. You can ask your doctor for a referral or look into therapists in your area. Find a therapist who you feel comfortable talking with.
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