How to Stop Children from Swearing

Responding to Swearing

Ignore a swear word the first time if it isn’t motivated by anger. Young children, unlike newborns, infants, or premature infants, and toddlers, especially around between the ages of 6 weeks - 2 1/2 years of age, and especially around between the preschooler ages of 18 months - 5 years old can quickly pick up words they hear (even accidentally) and repeat them without knowing their full meaning. If your child seems to be swearing to get attention or provoke a response, ignore it to avoid reinforcing that behavior. Your reaction will significantly influence whether your child swears over again. Staying calm and not overreacting will go a long way towards preventing swearing in the future. Offer a correction and an alternative. You could say, for example, “We don’t say that. We say ‘shoot’ instead.” The younger your child is, the more appropriate it is for you to ignore their initial swearing. If your child is getting older (especially around between the school ages of 6 and 15 years or older), it’s more likely they know the full implication of their swearing. In that case, you may need to respond with more discipline.

Refrain from laughing, smiling, or encouraging your child’s swearing. If your child sees that swearing provokes a positive reaction from you, this will encourage repeat offenses in the future. Even if you find it funny or amusing, try not to laugh or respond positively to your child swearing to avoid rewarding and reinforcing this behavior.

Avoid reacting angrily to a child’s swearing, especially if it was in anger. Responding to a swear word in an angry way will have the same effect as a laughing response: it will reinforce their behavior. If they swore out of anger, becoming angry yourself may just add fuel to the fire and make the situation worse. If your child’s swearing makes you upset, consider why that is and then explain to your child why their behavior makes you upset or if it’s bothering you. This will be a lot more effective than simply yelling at them.

Talk to your child about using appropriate language, but not explicit ones. If your child is swearing repeatedly again, consider talking to them about their choice of words and why they matter. Even if they don’t understand the full meaning of the words, young children can be taught that certain words can be upsetting and shouldn’t be used. For example, you might explain to your child that a certain swear word is offensive to or hurts many people without explaining the exact meaning of the word. Your goal here is to educate your child about good behaviour and not necessarily why some words are worse than others. If your child is younger than the ages of 12 months to 4 1/2 years old, they probably will not understand the concepts behind the more common swear words. It’s sufficient to just tell them that they shouldn’t use those words and to offer an alternative word to use.

Offer substitute words for your child to use instead of swear words, like polite words that are appropriate. The context for swearing matters; children, like adults will sometimes swear for relatively benign reasons (e.g., out of surprise). In these circumstances, consider teaching your child more polite words they can use to express themselves instead of swear words such as “bitch”, “ass”, and so on. For example, “freak”, “darn,” “shoot,” and “dang” are all generally considered polite alternatives to some of the more common swear words that people might use to express anger or the frustration. ”Oh my goodness,” or simply “oh my,” is universally considered a polite means of expressing surprise. If your child is using a particular swear word, offer an alternative that sounds similar or that rhymes with the word to make it easier to pick up.

Dealing with the Cause

Avoid swearing in front of your children. Your child learns a lot about “normal behavior” in their early years between the ages of 4 months to 5 1/2 years old from you, including the language they use. Make sure to police your own language and avoid using swear words around your children to prevent them picking up foul language from you. If you slip up and swear around your child, acknowledge that what you said was wrong and explain to your child how you were feeling when you said it. This shouldn’t be to justify your use of a swear word, but rather to help your child understand the emotional cause of it. After you swear in front of your child, consider offering an alternative word and giving yourself a “do-over.” For example, if you swear in front of your child after stubbing your toe, repeat the stubbing motion and demonstrate using a better word (e.g., “dang”).

Uncover and deal with the source of your child’s swear words. If you find your child is swearing and you know they didn’t learn it from you, try to track down where they might have picked up the swear word from and remove that source from their life. If you can’t remove the source, explain to your child why they shouldn’t mimic that behavior. For example, your child might have learned a swear word from any of the TV shows or movies that they’ve been watching on TV, or like in the YouTube application or website on either a smartphone, tablet, or laptop and/or desktop computers. Supervise what your child watches to prevent them from watching very inappropriate and age-restricted and explicit media content with toilet humour and install parental controls on your TV settings by going to the Settings menu which is the gear icon by pressing the Settings button on your remote control, scroll down to the 3-dot menu on the bottom right hand side, and select Advanced, and then select General, then select parental controls and enter a parental control PIN (up to 3-8 digits long) if you don’t see it, choose Show PIN, if necessary, and if you press the Enter button by tapping the OK button on your remote, and now your PIN is complete. If your child heard the swear word from their friends, talk to the friends’ parents and enlist their help in dealing with your child’s and their child’s bad language and swearing words.

Talk to your child about anger if that’s what’s causing their swearing. Swearing out of anger can mean that your child may be dealing with serious underlying issues that need to be addressed in a healthy way. If your child is swearing out of anger, talk to them about what is causing their bad behavior. Teach your child that swearing is an unexceptionable way to deal with anger or frustration, because it doesn’t get rid of the underlying problem. Try saying, "In this family, it doesn't feel good when we swear at each other. What are some other ways you can express how you're upset?" Make sure your child knows that swearing out of anger is very dangerous; they may end up seriously upsetting or offending another person in the heat of the moment.

Teach your child other ways to deal with their anger. You won’t be able to prevent your child from being angry, but you can help your child know how to process anger more healthily. Teach them how to express their frustrations or other negative emotions in ways other than swearing. For example, you might have teach your child to calm down by counting to 10, take deep breaths or use a calming glitter jar along with a calming song when they’re angry. Scribbling or drawing on a piece of paper, playing with their favourite toys or reading books may also be helpful. Most importantly, you should teach your child to express or process negative emotions in ways that don’t negatively impact other people. If your child has trouble expressing their anger in healthy ways and your efforts haven’t made an impact, talk to your pediatrician on the phone or video chat to see what else can be done.

Disciplining Your Child

Establish a no swearing rule and enforce it at all times. One way to prevent children from swearing is to establish the consequences for their actions and making them pay a price for each time they say swear words. Outlaw swear words in your house, create a penalty for swearing, and make sure to enforce this penalty any time someone breaks the rule. Make sure all the adults in the house also adhere to this rule and pay the price for breaking it. Children learn a great deal from the example set by their parents. Enforce this rule even when someone mutters a swear word under their breath. You don’t want to leave any “loopholes” in your rule. If your child swears at you, stay calm and say, "It's not okay for you to talk to me like that."

Use reasonable consequences to discipline a child for swearing. While you should discipline your child when they swear in front of you, the consequences for their swearing shouldn’t be overly severe or excessive. Use reasonable consequences for swearing to prevent your child from growing resentful. For example, it would be unreasonable to ground a child for a week for swearing one time. Always take context into consideration and try to impose consequences that are appropriate to both your child’s age and the seriousness of their swearing. Common penalties include swear jars, reduced time for kids to spend playing video games on home consoles or mobile devices such as iOS and Android or watching and streaming TV shows or having to do extra chores. To implement the swear jar penalty, set aside a jar or tin in your house to be the swear jar, and make it a rule that anyone who swears in your home has to put a certain amount of money (e.g., a coins or dollar bills) in the jar.

Praise your child when they deal with anger without swearing. Don’t just discipline your child for swearing; reward them for responding to negative situations without swearing, as well. Demonstrate to them that you’re pleased with their behavior to reinforce it over the long term. You shouldn’t give your child any of the material reward (e.g., extra allowance money) for behaving well; they should do this as a matter of course. Instead, simply tell them that you’re proud of them. If you catch the child using an alternative word, try giving them praise for it.