- Ask engaging questions like, “What did you think of that assignment the other day?” or “What’s your favorite movie?” to get the conversation flowing.
- Give thoughtful answers and offer new talking points, like, “Yes, that movie was great! I love comedies; what about you?”
- If you’re super nervous, write down a few topics or questions you’d like to ask him before you hop on the phone. This way, you’ll be prepared if your mind goes blank.
Talking to Your Crush
Relax by taking a few deep breaths. Remember, this isn’t a job interview but a fun, casual conversation! Deep breathing is scientifically proven to reduce your stress response, so take a few deep breaths before you start your call and be your natural, wonderful self. If they don’t get your humor, or you don’t vibe, no harm, no foul—there’s somebody out there who’s perfect for you. Make sure you’re in a place where you feel comfortable and aren’t likely to be interrupted, such as your bedroom. The more comfortable you are, the more confident you’ll be. If you’ve been giving him hints that you like him, calling him is a great way to really get the point across.
Think of some topics to bring up if the conversation gets dull. Discuss movies, sports, or video games you know he likes to get him talking and learn more about him. If you’re really nervous, write down a list of specific topics to fall back on. Once it comes time to talk, you’ll likely be surprised by how easy it is—picking up the phone is the hardest part! Ask him questions like "How did baseball practice go last night?" or "What are you writing your term paper about?" to get him talking about things he loves or knows. These questions are open enough that he can elaborate and get the conversation flowing. Get flirty with a question like, “I’m curious what your dream partner is—what qualities do you love?”
Go for a casual greeting when he picks up the phone. Whether he picks up, someone else picks up, or he isn't there, think about what you want to say. Since you've never talked to him on the phone before or don’t speak with him often, make sure you mention who it is and try something like, "Hi, this is Jake. How’ve you been?" or “Hey, this is Anna, do you have time to talk about the science project?—It’s killing me!” If you get his voicemail, stay calm, and leave a message like, “Hey John, it’s Eve; just wondering what you’ve been up to and wanted to catch up. Talk soon.” If you think your date is silly or fun enough, leave a goofy message like, "If you can't reach me when you call, I might be out, or I might have gotten abducted by aliens."
Ask thoughtful questions. When you’re talking to him on the phone, go for questions with more than 1-word answers. For example, ask, "What do you think of the movie you saw last weekend?" or "What’s the best part of that new game you bought?" This is the time to use the list of topics you thought about before you called him to get the conversation going and learn about his interests. Try to avoid questions like "What's up?" or asking them what their favorite color is. These can be very vague and don't give the conversation anywhere to go. Great examples of thoughtful questions include: “I noticed that you’re into fashion since your outfits are always so cool. What inspires your style?” or “Do you like the Warriors? I noticed you wear a Steph Curry jersey a lot—he’s one of my favorite players.” EXPERT TIP Joshua Pompey Joshua Pompey Relationship Expert Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world. Joshua Pompey Joshua Pompey Relationship Expert Try talking about bad first dates for a fun icebreaker. Almost everybody has been on a bad date at some point in their life, or maybe you've received creepy messages online. Sharing those can give you something to talk about, but at the same time, it helps show that you're not like that.
Listen to him throughout the conversation. During the call, ensure that you’re listening as much as you’re talking—fighting to get a word in can be frustrating, even if you know the other person is just nervous. Being an engaged listener means paying attention to his answers and giving your input when needed or laughing when he makes a joke or says something funny. Make sure you avoid interrupting him while he’s talking, and wait until he’s finished his thoughts to chime in. Interrupting someone while they’re talking can come off as rude, even if it’s well-intended.
Answer thoughtfully. When you’re on the phone with your crush, respond thoughtfully by giving your yes or no answer, but follow up with the reason why. For example, if he asks, “I’ve noticed you talk a lot about music. Do you have a favorite band?” You would respond like, “Yes, I love Tame Impala! I saw them in concert a while ago, and they totally blew me away. What about you?” More examples of great responses include: “No, I’m not super into horror films, but I do appreciate a good scare now and then. What’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?” or “I’m so glad you asked that! Yes, I love to cook! I think my favorite thing to make is pesto pasta. What about you?” Answers with details about yourself give him little hints about you and will help the 2 of you get to know each other better. Plus, it gives him the opportunity to keep the conversation flowing.
Keep the call short. Find a natural place to end the conversation without sounding rude—this will leave him wanting more and encourages him to call you again. If there’s a lull in the conversation, go for something like, "I had a great time talking to you, but I'm meeting my friends for coffee in half an hour." This lets him know that you like him but also shows him that you aren't going to be sitting at home waiting by the phone. If you’re pausing too long or trying to fill the silence, consider it a sign to end your call.
Talking to Your Boyfriend
Relax, he already likes you! Even if you’re dating someone, calling them can still be nerve-racking. The good news is there’s no need to stress—simply knowing that your feelings for each other are reciprocated is half the battle. As your boyfriend, he’ll be happy to speak with you over the phone, so try not to overthink it. Your anxiety and nervousness will likely disappear as soon as you 2 start talking; it’s picking up or calling that’s the scary part.
Think of things to say before your call. If the last few times you talked were filled with silence, think about things you want to ask your boyfriend about before you call him. Is there a game you know he just bought that he's been playing? In that case, ask him if and why he likes it. Try to remember small details that he brought up the last time you talked so he knows you pay attention to him and that you care about what he has to say. Go for something like, “Hey, how did the project you were working on the last time we talked go? It sounded super cool!” or “Weren’t you going to see a movie the last time we talked? How was it?” Remember, if the 2 of you struggle to find things to talk about, this doesn't mean that the relationship isn't working; it could just mean that you're both shy or don't know each other very well yet. EXPERT TIP Joshua Pompey Joshua Pompey Relationship Expert Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world. Joshua Pompey Joshua Pompey Relationship Expert Try talking about whatever you've just been doing. For instance, "I just got back from the gym" can transition into a conversation about working out.
Call him. We’ve checked the book, and there’s certainly no rule that says you have to wait around for your boyfriend to call you! If you had an exciting day that you can’t wait to tell him about, or you just feel like hearing his voice, give him a ring—as your boyfriend, he’d love to hear from you. Punch in his number and get your flirt on with, “Hey! Just the man I wanted to talk to—you’ve been on my mind all day.” If you don’t feel like being the one to call him, texting him is another super easy, low-pressure option that might just get him to call you. Fun and flirty texts include: “If only you were with me right now. What are you up to?” or “Thinking about me yet?” Talking on the phone around once a day, in combination with texting, is typically more than enough to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner when you’re not physically together.
Ask him personal or difficult questions to get to know him better. Asking him more serious questions, like what his future goals are or what he’s most scared of, is a great way to get a sense of who he is and how to better support him. This lets him know you care about him on a personal level and that you want to know all the different aspects of his personality and aspirations. Great examples of questions to ask include: “I don’t know about you, but I’ve always had a crazy fear of heights—I get scared even going up a ladder. Is there anything that you’re super scared of?” My goal has always been to be an entrepreneur—I just feel like it’s really important for me to create something of my own. What’s your biggest goal?”
Give thoughtful responses to his questions. Show you’re engaged in the conversation by providing detailed answers rather than short yes or nos. Making your partner feel supported in your relationship means listening to what they have to say and providing them with empathy and helpful advice when needed. For example, if your partner asks you whether they should reach out to an old friend, say something like, “I think that’s a great idea! The more friends you have, the better; reaching out is the hardest part, but I’m sure it’ll be like old times as soon as you start talking.”
Discuss common interests. Hmmm…what to talk about? Common interests, of course! If you and your crush share any common interests, like a love of a certain musical artist, sports team, or movie genre, there’s no doubt your conversation will be fun and free-flowing if you bring them up over the phone. Some great examples include: “Soccer was so fun today! I’m curious, who’s your favorite soccer player?” “I noticed you post a lot about art on your Instagram. Going to museums is one of my favorite things to do. Do you have a favorite artist?” Get flirty with “I know we both like going out and having fun. I’m curious—if you could do anything, what’d be your dream date?” EXPERT TIP John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach Try giving him compliments. When you're talking to someone you like on the phone, give them compliments, like "Listening to your voice on the phone is like listening to a great piece of music." Be romantic, and talk about things you'd like to see or do together. You can also tell a story about how you saw something that reminded you of them.
Listen to what your partner has to say. Sometimes, all we need to feel supported is for someone to listen to us. When you pay attention to what your boyfriend has to say and ask follow-up questions to his stories, like “How did that make you feel?” or “Do you need help with that?” you’re showing him that you’re an active listener and a supportive partner. Just because there is a pause in the conversation doesn't mean the phone call is going badly. Silences can mean that you're becoming more comfortable with one another and enjoy being in each other's presence.
End the conversation on a positive note. When you feel happy after talking to someone on the phone, chances are you’ll want to call them again. Laughter is an excellent cue to leave—for example, if your boyfriend tells you a joke, get giggling and say, “Hahaha, I can always count on you to make me smile. I’ve got to hang up, but thanks for boosting my mood. I needed a good laugh!” To keep things positive, end the conversation by paying him a compliment like, “I wish everyone were as easy to talk to as you. Wish me luck on my next shift—bye!” or “Why can’t everyone have good taste in restaurants like you? About to head into a terrible restaurant to meet my friend, but hey, it’s her favorite!”
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