- Reflect before going in for your hug. If she isn't making eye contact or if she avoids speaking to you, she probably doesn't want to be hugged.
- Hold and then release your hug. Then, say something to accompany the hug, like, "I'm so happy to see you!"
- For a platonic hug, keep it casual. Hold your embrace for just a couple seconds before releasing.
Hugging a Girl You Like
Observe her body language to see if she would like to be hugged. Reading her body language can help you tell if she’s open to physical contact. You can tell she might be receptive to a hug if she makes eye contact with you, plays with her hair around you, and expresses “open” body language by pointing her hips or feet directly toward you. Her tone of voice may also be animated and bright. You can also be blunt and ask if you can hug her. This removes all doubt! If she’s not interested, she probably won’t hold your gaze and her body language will be "closed" (crossed legs, folded arms, tense body, turned away). Her tone of voice may be flat when she talks to you.
Approach her gently. Resist the urge to dive in and hug her as quickly as possible. Instead, take a deep breath and move in at a pace that allows her to decide whether or not she wants to hug you. Make eye contact, move a little bit closer to her, then lift your arms and pull her in. Even if she displays all the “signs” of wanting to be hugged, she may not actually want to be hugged! (Body language isn’t an exact science, unfortunately!) It’s essential that she has a second to back out before you make contact. Otherwise, she may feel forced, and the situation will turn awkward. The upside is that slower movements are generally considered more romantic. So if she does want you to hug her, a smooth and gentle approach will seem all the more intimate. Hugging hack: if you’re in a group of people, see if she hugs others. This isn’t a guarantee she wants to hug, and the rules about pulling back if she recoils apply. But whether she hugs others in the group and for how long can act as a guide for hugging her yourself.
Hug her longer and closer to be more intimate, or shorter to keep it casual. The duration of your hug and the pressure you apply says a lot about what it means to you. People who are closer (or who would like to be) may hug closer for longer, while shorter, lighter hugs are usually reserved for more casual scenarios. Tight, full-body embraces longer than a few seconds are usually meant for significant others, close friends, or close family members. Significant others may rub their partners’ backs or hold their head. If you think she may be receptive to this, try it—but move slowly, and be prepared for rejection. To play it safe, keep your hands still on her back or keep one hand over your other arm. Shorter hugs are lighter and more casual. The average "hello" or "goodbye" hug should be about 1 or 2 seconds of holding. EXPERT TIP Connell Barrett Connell Barrett Dating Coach Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." Connell Barrett Connell Barrett Dating Coach Keep it brief if it's a first date. If you're meeting someone for a first date, it's great to greet them with a warm hug, but it shouldn't linger. It sets a romantic tone for a date, but you'll still come across as friendly and approachable.
Release the hug after a few seconds, or when she pulls away. It may feel awkward if she ends the hug before you do, but try not to dwell on that. If she doesn't signal she's done with the hug (by pulling away or tapping you on the shoulder or back, maybe), release the hug yourself after a few seconds in one smooth move. If she starts to let go or you can feel her go limp in your arms, immediately release your hug.
Verbally acknowledge the hug in a cute way. What to say when you end the hug depends on the situation. If you really like this girl, the end of a hug is your chance to do something adorable that she’ll remember. For a casual greeting or goodbye hug, say "I’m so happy to see you!" or "See you later!" For a hug that acknowledges an accomplishment, say "Congratulations!" or give her a compliment, like "You inspire me." For a comforting hug, tailor what you say to the situation. "It's OK" or "I'm here" are both appropriate ways to show your support and acknowledge her feelings. For the buddy hug, say whatever sparked the hug in the first place. "You're awesome," or "We really rocked that ultimate Frisbee game, didn't we?" is always fun. If you want to convey romantic feelings, try something subtle, like “You’re such a great hugger,” or be more overt if you’re feeling gutsy: “I really like holding you.”
Hug her to say hello or goodbye, or to show support or excitement. When you hug a girl is just as important as how you do it, so play it safe by picking a good moment. Hugging her in greeting when you first see her or hugging to say goodbye are common times to hug, but hugging during emotional moments is also acceptable. Many people appreciate being greeted by friends with a quick "friends" hug (even if you want to be more than friends). Saying goodbye with a hug is also a nice, friendly gesture. Whether you’re on the same team that just won a big game or if she’s having a hard day, a hug can be a really good way to reinforce that you’re there for her.
Practice different hugging positions in different situations. If you’re still nervous after your hug, read up on different hug positions and visualize which one might work best for your particular situation. Test them out in different situations with other people, so the next time you have the chance to hug your crush, you're all ready! Slow-dance. Her arms will go upward and around your neck and your arms will go under hers. You can put your arms around her waist or higher up her back. The lower your hands go on her back, the more suggestive the hug is. This can be a very intimate hug. Big bear and little bear. Her arms will go below yours and you’ll wrap around her back while her arms wrap around your waist. This is a friendlier hug and allows her to be pulled close to you and have her head rest on your chest. One-arm sling. This is the least romantic kind of hug—more of a buddy hug, really. This is when the hugger comes in from the side and wraps one arm around her shoulders or neck, as a casual friendly hug. T-Rex. Both the hugger and the girl's arms stay around the waist and lower back area. This will allow for the both of you to rest your heads on each others shoulders. This is going to allow for a friendlier, less suggestive hug. Criss-cross. One of your arms goes up and the other goes down to create an "x" with your arms and hers. This can lead to the perfect "pull back and kiss" position where both of you still have your arms holding on to each other with enough room to still kiss. From behind. This is a hug you only do with a girl you know well, and unless she likes scary surprises, let her know it’s you as you move into the hug. This is a very intimate hug.
Hugging Friends
Initiate the hug casually, without thinking about it too much. While you might slow down for a romantic hug, people frequently hug friends to say hello or goodbye without thinking twice about it. Bear in mind this applies to people who are already friends—less so to people you’ve just been introduced to. Use your instincts, but the best rule of thumb is that if you’re offered a hug, go for it. If you want to initiate a hug, don’t think too much about it, but pull back if your friend steps back.
Make quick, casual contact. Remember to keep the physical contact quick and light for hugging friends. Anything more prolonged might be misinterpreted as romantic. Lean in, bending from your waist. The idea here is not full-body contact, which is a much more intimate and personal hug. Wrap one arm around her arm and place your hand in-between her shoulder blades. Wrap your other arm around her and place your hand below your first hand.
Hold briefly and release. 2 seconds is the ideal length for a friendly hug. Let go of her as soon as this much time has passed, and resume conversing as you normally would.
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