Laying the Groundwork
Talk to her. Your goal is to become friends, so you’ll want to find things to laugh about together and discover things that you have in common. Read up on some funny jokes or make up your own and tell her. Laughing is a good way to break the anxiety and awkwardness of first dates. Start with small talk. You could mention the the weather or a teacher you have in common. Compliment her on her hair, clothes or smile. Ask about her favorite things. Discover her personal preferences by discussing movie scenes or songs to get an idea of what kind of things she likes and how she feels about romantic encounters. Use confident body language. When you two talk, show her that you're sure of yourself. Make sure to hold her eye contact, stand up straight, and if you can, limit any fidgeting.
Bond with her on a deeper level. You want her to feel comfortable and connected to you—more so than her other guy friends. Sharing emotional and personal information can really create a very strong and lasting connection. Women often use kissing to bond and reinforce that bond. Ask her thoughtful questions. Some questions or prompts to ask in order to enhance bonding are: Describe a perfect day. What do you feel most grateful for in your life? What is the greatest thing that you have accomplishment in your life? What memory do you treasure the most? What is your worst memory? If your house caught on fire and you only had time to save one item (family and pets are already safe), what would it be? Smile at her when you talk. She may have no idea that you like being around her yet, but you can make it clear through nonverbal cues. Make sure to wear a warm expression while you speak, and show off your sweet smile. Let her know how you feel. She may not know that you want to be more than friends, so the best thing you can do to avoid being stuck in the “friend zone” is to tell her you want more.
Learn to read body language. You’ll want to pay special attention to how she reacts to you to decide if/when you should go for the kiss. Positive body language tells you that she likes what you are doing, while negative body language tells you that she dislikes it. Look for combinations of either positive or negative behaviors that let you know how she feels. Positive body language can be shown when she moves towards you, points her feet toward you, uncrosses her legs, keeps her arms open and palms up, playfully fondles her jewelry or hair, smiles or maintains eye contact. Negative body language may mean she moves away from you, points her feet away from you, keeps her legs and arms crossed, palms down, hands closed, fidgets, frowns or turns her eyes to the side. If you are getting a lot of negative body language, then you should probably change your approach or try again at a better time or when she is in a better mood. If she makes a lot of body contact with you, such as touching your hand, rubbing against your knee, gently bumping up against you, tapping you on the shoulder or holding your hand, then she’s probably into you.
Make physical contact. To get close enough for a kiss, you have to enter her personal space and see how she feels about it. It takes trust or expectation to allow you to get closer, and if she’s ok with it, you know you have a good chance of getting that kiss. Additionally, touch reinforces that you are interested in her and that you enjoy making contact with her. Be a gentleman. Pull out her chair at a restaurant and push it back in after she sits down. This gives you the opportunity to gently touch her on the shoulder, arm or upper back. Hold her hand. If she doesn’t pull away from you, then you know she likes what you are doing. Adjust her hair. Touching her hair is intimate without being as personal as a kiss and will allow you to see how she feels about you. If she flinches or moves away, then she’s probably not ready or interested in a kiss. If she seems to like it, then you can take the next step toward that first kiss. Try a kiss on the cheek first. Lean in and give her a peck on the cheek to see whether she offers positive or negative feedback. Then you can decide when it’s time to try a real mouth-to-mouth kiss.
Planning to Make Your Move
Plan to do something exciting together. The adrenaline rush you experience when doing something novel or challenging gets your heart racing and is similar to how you feel when you get a crush on someone. The best part about this is, she will associate the feeling of excitement with you and it may help create a heightened sense of romantic interest in you . Not only are couples who engage in exciting activities significantly happier in their long-term relationships , but being in an excited state of mind also increases sexual arousal in the short-term as well. Go on some rides together before you are alone together. Ski, hike, dance or to a concert—anything that will get the adrenaline flowing for both of you.
Pick a time and place that sets the mood. Evening often works the best because dim lights and darkness has been found to increase attraction, communication and connection, physical contact and sexual arousal. Plus, special or new surroundings are sure to make the kiss more memorable. The location might be outside under the stars, in a candle-lit restaurant or a dark gym during lunch, but make sure the two of you have some privacy. She may not want an audience.
Pay attention to your grooming. While you will want to dress in clean clothes, brush your hair and look good for your date, don’t forget to pay special attention to your oral hygiene. Brush your teeth, and don’t eat anything strong or stinky like garlic before and during your date. You can also bring along breath mints or gum just in case. You’ll want your lips to be soft, so bring along some lip balm or chap-stick as well. Wear red. It makes men seem more attractive and sexually desirable.
Getting the Kiss
Time it right. You will want to build up to the moment and find the right time to break the tension with a kiss. Don’t wait too long, though, or she may think you aren’t interested. When you are both close, touching regularly, maintaining extended eye contact, showing positive body language, and you are not being distracted, take your chance. The right time for the two of you may be toward the end of the first or second date, but it’s better to do it sometime before the end of the night so you’re not sitting in the car or standing in the doorway awkwardly. Be spontaneous. An incredible kiss happens when everything falls into place. It does not have to be at any specific point during your time together. It could happen before you enter a restaurant early in the evening, across a dinner table, in a theater, or just while taking a stroll under a full moon. Try not to ask first. Asking permission shows a lack of confidence and can ruin the moment. Her body language should tell you when she’s ready, but if you really aren’t sure, you can ask.
Take the lead. When kissing, assertiveness is attractive, so commit and go through with it. Look at her lips, wet your lips for lubrication, turn your head slightly to the right and lean in for a closed-mouth kiss. Wait for a moment so your partner can meet you half-way. Use touch to make the kiss more interesting, such as holding her cheek or head, brushing her hair back, touching her neck or cuddling. Though you may maintain eye contact until she returns the kiss, it’s best to close your eyes once your lips touch.
Be sensual and not overly aggressive or sloppy. The initial kiss is best closed-mouth without a lot of saliva exchange, and keep your tongue in your mouth. Kiss for a few moments, and pull away when she does. You can still maintain physical touch and eye contact, though. Now’s the time to follow her lead and match her movements and passion. Listen to her breathing to see if she is enjoying the kiss and to ensure you are letting her get enough air.
Learn to deal with rejection. Sometimes the girl you want to kiss is just not interested, and you will have to move on. Recognize that it’s probably not your fault she doesn’t want to kiss—maybe she has a lot on her mind, is already in a committed relationship or just ate garlic for lunch. Don’t make over generalizations about the fact that this girl didn’t want a kiss. Realize that being rejected in this one particular situation with this person does not mean that it will happen again with someone else or that there is anything wrong with you. It’s important to know that what happened does not say anything about your self-worth or value as a person. Give yourself some time to “get over” your feelings for this girl and try again with someone else that you like.
Comments
0 comment