How to Prevent Arguments About Finances

Discussing Your Views About Money

Talk about your view on money. One of the money problems that arises between couples is due to their differing position on money. Some people are spenders and others are savers. These two mindsets can strongly clash. To help get past this problem, you should talk about these differences. During this discussion, talk about whether you are a saver or spender. Having open communication about your ideas and feelings on money can help you start to solve or eliminate problems. For example, you may say, "I believe that money is hard-earned and should be enjoyed." Alternately, you may say, "Saving money is important to me. We work too hard for it to spend it often."

Discuss what money means to you. Often, the arguments about finances aren’t about money specifically, but about what money means to the people in the relationship. To help prevent any financial arguments, you and your partner should explain to each other what money means to you and what it signifies. This can help you understand each other. For example, you may think that saving money means safety and security. You may think that saving money or spending it can show love and affection. Saving money may make you feel in control and like you have power. You may feel that you deserve to spend your hard earned money on yourself, or you may feel that you deserve to save your hard earned money for future plans. Determine if you or your partner use money as a way to measure success, status, or keep score with others. Make sure to discuss any fears you have about money and the way that your family approached money growing up. For example, you may say, "Saving money makes me feel safe. When we were growing up, we had no money, so having a savings account helps me feel like I'm taking care of my family."

Acknowledge your differences about money with an open mind. After you have discussed what money means to both of you, you should use the opportunity to understand each other’s position and ideas about money. You should not point fingers or try to make one of your right and wrong. There is nothing wrong with having different values about money. You have to work towards understanding, accepting, and compromising. For example, work on understanding why your partner feels that spending money is something they have earned and deserved. Try to see how saving money makes your partner feel in control and safe. Both you and your partner are two different people, which means you are not going to have the same opinions about everything. Communicating about your ideas of money can help prevent and avoid misunderstandings. If your partner has illogical, irresponsible, or contradictory ideas about money, that is a separate issue. You want to accept different ideas about money, yet help your partner work through illogical money ideas that may harm your family. Try saying, "I understand that you want to save money though I like to treat myself for my hard work. Can you explain to me why saving money is so important to you? I will explain to you why I think we deserve to spend some of our money."

Compromise with both of your sets of values. After you have figured out what each of you feels about money, you can then work on a compromise. Compromise means you both stay positive as you find a way to negotiate both of your values. Find some common ground that benefits you both. You should work on finding ways for both of you to compromise equally so one person isn’t giving up more than the other. For example, you may come to a compromise where you set aside money each month to spend on yourself while your partner sets aside a similar amount to save. You both can come to an agreement on what things are considered special splurge purchases, and decide what you want to save money on to purchase or invest in in the future.

Take a break and come back to the discussion. If you and your partner are discussing money and start arguing or yelling, stop the conversation and go do something else. Stepping away for a moment will help you and your spouse have time to calm down and think more logically about what has been said. You and your partner will not always agree about money. However, it is crucial that you learn how to compromise so you can meet everyone’s needs and address each other’s concerns.

Communicating Effectively About Finances

Be open about your finances. One way to help prevent arguments about money is the be open about your finances with your partner. This helps each of you be on the same page, so you won’t be keeping secrets about money or lying about money. These behaviors can cause problems and arguments. When your relationship gets to the point where you start sharing bills and financial responsibilities, you should be open about all of your finances. This includes your debt, income, and financial obligations. Tell your partner, "I want to share my finances with you. I have some student loan debt, a car payment, and two credit cards."

Keep your partner in the loop. You should share vital financial information with your partner so that you both stay informed of each other’s financial situation. This includes any changes to your income, tax returns, and credit reports. This helps maintain honesty and communication between you, and you can avoid potential problems if you keep something from your partner. This often happens at the beginning of a partnership, when you let your partner know your financial situation. However, you should continue doing this throughout the relationship, especially if things change significantly. For example, you may say, "My credit report has changed recently due to my recent bill payments. I'd like to go over what changed the credit report with you." Another way to prevent arguments is to agree to text or call if you are thinking of purchasing something over an agreed upon spending limit, such as $100. If you or your partner is out shopping and finds something above the agreed upon limit, then sending a quick text or making a quick phone call may prevent an argument later on.

Establish weekly money talks. Another way to help prevent fights about money is to discuss any minor problems before they can turn into something worse. Getting together with your partner once every week or two to discuss the budget and any minor problems can help keep the lines of communication open and help prevent fights. For example, you may get together and discuss how one of you spent more on groceries than was budgeted, or another minor financial problem. Addressing the problems early can help prevent the small things from turning into major problems. You may say things like, "We went over the budget on groceries, but by cutting a few corners, we can adhere to it next month."

Talk about how you will approach helping out family. Many people help out family members financially. However, this can cause a lot of problems and arguments. To help prevent this, talk about what you and your partner want to do about helping out family members so you have a procedure in place. For example, you may decide to help out a family member up to a certain dollar amount or a certain number of times each year. You may decide that you want to help out certain family members but not others. Discuss these issues with your partner and come up with a solution that you both can handle. You may say, "I understand that your parents struggle, but we can only afford to help them for this set amount of money three times each year."

Setting Financial Goals

Create a budget. Budgets can help prevent a lot of arguments about money. Budgets create a solid plan for your money so there won’t be any questions or confusion about where the money goes and when. Budgets give you and your partner a guide to help stay on track where money is concerned. If one partner has trouble adhering to the budget, you can look at the numbers and find areas that need improvement or adjustment. Make sure to budget in money for extra purchases, such as an impulse buy or going out to dinner. Include each of your money interests in the budget. If you like to spend money but your partner likes to save, budget those things in each month. If budget has a negative connotation, consider calling it a “spending plan” instead of budget.

Share financial tasks. To help keep the financial responsibilities even and a joint effort, come up with a way share tasks and assign a duty to each person. This helps take all the pressure off one person and lets you work together to manage your finances. For example, you may pay the bills while your partner makes and maintains the budget. You may focus on the savings account while your partner invests money.

Come up with long term goals. Figure out what your long term goals are for your money. Do you want to invest? Are you saving for a new car or house? Are there kids in the future? Do you want to take vacations? Each of these future plans are important. You should discuss what you and your partner want in the future and come up with a way to approach it. Most of these purchases require pre-planning and saving. Prioritize what you want to save your money for.

Approach finances as a team. To help keep your finances running smoothly and eliminate any potential conflicts, work on your finances as a team. Even though one person may be in charge of the budget or paying the bills, you should talk about these ideas and sit down once a month to discuss the month’s finances. You may decide to pay bills together and do the budget together instead of assigning the task. You may also switch back and forth and do a different financial task each month.

Consider having separate accounts. If finances and spending habits are a frequent source of frustration in your relationship, then you and your partner might consider setting up separate bank accounts and just maintain a joint account for your shared bills and savings. This may help to prevent arguments about finances if you each have a set amount of money to spend on whatever you want each month.

Seek professional help. If you and your partner fight too often about finances, you can seek professional help. You may want to visit a therapist who specializes in resolving conflicts in relationships. This can help you get past any barriers and help you learn how to compromise. You may also want to visit a financial planner. Financial planners can help you figure out how to budget and compromise on financial issues.