Should You Kiss on a First Date? All Your Questions Answered

Reasons to Kiss on the First Date

You want to see if there’s chemistry. Sometimes, you may have difficulty figuring out if you’re attracted to your date romantically or if you just like them as a person. By kissing them, you can decide if you have physical chemistry and if it’s worth pursuing a romantic relationship or deciding to stay friends instead.

The date went well. You may decide to kiss your date because you had a good time and want to see them again. Kissing them is a direct way of letting them know you’re attracted to them, so you don’t have to beat around the bush about wanting to see them again.

You want to move out of the friend zone. If you’ve been friends with your date for a while, kissing them can let them know you’re interested in a romantic relationship with them. It proves you’re attracted to them and you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level.

You’re enjoying kissing. If you like the act of kissing and you’re physically attracted to your date, why not go for it? Kissing can relieve stress and boost your mood. Just make sure you and your date are on the same page so you don’t lead them on.

You want to get more physical. Some people may want to take things to the next level by making out or even hooking up after the first date. If you want to do so, kissing your date is the first step to initiating that. As long as you both consent, do whatever feels natural.

You want to make sure your date respects you. While some may enjoy hooking up after the first date, it’s okay to want to take things slow, too. If you kiss your date but don’t want to go any further, you can see if they’ll respect your decision or try to pressure you to keep going. This way, you can spot any potential red flags before agreeing to a second date.

Reasons Not to Kiss on the First Date

You don’t feel a spark. Not every first date leads to a relationship, and that’s okay. If you can’t see the relationship going any further, don’t try to force it. Simply let your date know you had a good time and if they try to kiss you, politely tell them you’re not interested. If you decide you want to just be friends, relationship expert Lauren Sanders says to be upfront about your intention. “First, offer a positive comment about your connection with them. The next step is to be 100% transparent about not wanting a relationship with them,” she says. “Reassure them that they are not to blame and they didn't necessarily do anything wrong. It's simply a matter of a lack of chemistry and connection present.”

You want to leave them wanting more. Even if you and your date have chemistry, you don’t have to kiss them. If you can tell they’re super into you, not kissing them might make them think of you even more after the date. Keep them on their toes so they can’t wait to see you again.

You’re not sure if they want a second date. Sometimes, you think a date is going well, but your date doesn’t feel the same way. Pay attention to their body language before deciding if you should kiss them. If they cross their arms or feel closed off, they may not be as into it as you are. There’s usually no point in kissing them if it will probably be the last time you see them.

You suspect they just want to hook up. If you’re not into hookups and you’re getting the vibe that’s all your date wants, it’s probably not a good idea to kiss them. Because kissing is often a precursor to sex, they may get the idea you also want to hook up, which could lead to some awkward miscommunication. Plus, you might feel like you’re wasting your time if you kiss them and know you’re looking for a relationship.

You’re overthinking it. If you spend the whole date anxiously wondering whether they plan to kiss you, it’s probably a good sign you shouldn’t do it. You want your first kiss to feel exciting and natural, so if you’re overthinking to the point you can’t enjoy yourself, you might want to wait and see how you feel after a second date.

You don’t feel like you know them well enough. With the rise of dating apps, you may find yourself on a date with someone you’ve never met before. It usually takes more than one date and a few text exchanges to feel comfortable with someone, so it’s perfectly natural to not want to kiss them. Relationship expert Maya Diamond says, “Only kiss if you genuinely want to kiss the person. If they try to kiss you, say, ‘I would love to, but I'm not ready for that yet’. Delay it to the second, third, or fourth date, or whenever you feel comfortable. Pay attention to what your true genuine desire is.”

You simply don’t feel like it. Sometimes, everything can go right on a date, but you just don’t feel like kissing them. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re comfortable, you can opt for a hug instead, or you can wait to see how you feel when you see them again. Take things at your own pace.

How to Kiss on the First Date

Read your date’s body language. Throughout the date, pay attention to the way your date moves and interacts with you. If they’re laughing, touching you, and making eye contact, they’re probably into you. If they put distance between you, cross their legs or arms, and look around the room constantly, they might not be enjoying the date that much. Use these factors to help decide if you should go in for the kiss. Relationship expert John Keegan suggests holding your date’s hand to see how they react. He says, “Just take their hand and hold it. That's a direct point where you’re saying, ‘Hey, I'm interested in holding your hand because I may be interested in dating you.’ See how they respond. If they leave their hand in for a moment or two, then that's a good sign that they’re moving in that direction with you.”

Choose the right time and place. It’s probably not a good idea to try to kiss your date in the middle of dinner at a crowded restaurant. It’s much better to wait till the end of the date when you can go somewhere a bit more private, like when you’re walking them to their car or their front door. This allows you to both feel more relaxed and you have the benefit of knowing if the whole date went well.

Ask them if you can kiss them. Consent is key. Plus, the easiest way to know if your date wants you to kiss them is by asking them. Your answer should be an enthusiastic yes. If your date seems hesitant, ask if they’d prefer a hug instead or wait for the next date to initiate physical contact.

Consider what type of kiss you want. A kiss on a first date doesn’t have to be a full-blown makeout session—though it can be if that’s what you two want. Many people prefer a quick, simple kiss on the lips, but if you’re feeling a bit nervous, you might go for a kiss on the cheek instead. It’s all about what you and your date feel most comfortable with.

What a Kiss on the First Date Means

In many cases, it means your date wants to pursue a relationship. Kissing is a sign of physical attraction and often builds an emotional connection with a potential partner. Kissing on the first date usually means you and your date are interested in seeing where things go. However, sometimes a person just enjoys kissing or hopes it will lead to a hookup. This is why it’s so important to be upfront about what you’re looking for. Relationship expert Lauren Sanders believes a kiss means your date wants to continue the relationship. She says, “If they feel comfortable enough to exchange saliva, get in your personal space, and allow you to get in their personal space, as well, they definitely can see a potential future with you.” She does add that some people are just “touchy-feely” and that their love language could be physical touch.