How to Treat Your Friends

Practicing Positive Behavior

Follow the golden rule. Treat your friends as you would like to be treated. Don’t do or say something to a friend that you wouldn’t want a friend to do or say to you. Reflect on the situation. Friends aren’t perfect, and sometimes they bother or provoke you. It is important that you take a moment to think of how you would want to be treated in any situation. For example, your friend may say something silly or embarrassing. Instead of giggling right away, think about how you would feel if someone laughed at you in that situation.

Be kind and generous. Good friends are nice to each other! Say positive things about your friends whether you are together or not. Treat them with love and respect. Show your kindness by sharing something once in awhile. Offer to share your snack or let a friend borrow your T-shirt for the week. Generosity shows that you are willing think of your friend's needs before your own.

Act supportive. Your friends will go through ups and downs in life. Sometimes a friend only needs a shoulder to cry on or some company. It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who is going through hard times. Remember that everyone reacts differently to challenges, so don’t make assumptions about what should or should not occur. Acknowledge what happened and show concern. Try saying, “I heard about your cat dying. I’m so sorry.” Offer to help. Ask how your friend is doing and see if you can be helpful. For example, “How are you feeling today? What can I do to help?”

Show loyalty. Friends support each other during good times and difficult times. Show your friends that you are there for them by being upfront and positive. Don’t gossip. Don’t make mean comments about a friend, even if you are upset with her. This will only cause more harm than good. Gossiping will only hurt your friend’s feelings and make it look like you don’t care about her.

Spending Time Together

Make time for your friends. Friendships grow stronger when you create memories. The more time you spend together, the more you get to know the other person. Go to a friend’s house after school or have lunch together. If your friend asks you to hang out several times, make an effort to agree to see each other. People will stop asking if you never accept invitations. If you want to see a friend, try saying, “Hey, are you free this week? Do you want to hang out after school?”

Have fun. Remember to do something that you both enjoy. Maybe you both want to see the same movie, or maybe your friend wants to try out your new video game. Whatever it is, relax and have a good time! The more experiences you have, the stronger your bond. Go to a concert, cook a meal, or watch a television show that you both enjoy. Fill your time with laughter.

Try new things. Take a class on the weekend or try out a new restaurant together. Trying new things will help you bond with your friends. Whether you have a good time or not, you are creating memories to talk about in the future. Even if something is a disaster, it will likey be something you laugh about together later on. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. You and your friend can support each other when you try something new together. For example, you and a friend might feel nervous about joining a new club. Try saying, “I’m afraid I won’t be any good at soccer, too. But let’s try it out. At least we’ll be together if things go badly.”

Take turns choosing activities. Remember that your time spent together should be fun for both you and your friends. Make sure that everyone has a chance to choose an activity. For example, your friend might get to choose where you go for lunch and you get to choose the movie. Find a compromise that works for both of you. You might say, “Since I chose the movie, why don’t you decide on lunch? I’m open to anything.” Be aware of your friends' schedules. Don't expect them to always work around your availability — remember that they have lives, too. Be willing to make some sacrifices or rearrange some things to accommodate your friends' schedules, too.

Communicating Effectively

Actively listen. Friendship means spending time together. Even if you are doing a specific activity, conversation is in the mix. Actively listen to what your friends have to say about the topics you discuss. Focus on what your friend is saying and how it makes her feel. Reiterate what was said and add your interpretation if you feel comfortable doing so. For example, you might say, “Your mom yelled at you. It seems like that made you feel really sad.” Use your body to show you are listening. Look your friend in the eye, turn toward her, and mirror her facial expressions. These are all physical signs that you are truly listening.

Resolve conflicts. If you get into an argument, try to stay calm. Take some time apart so that you don’t retaliate out of anger or frustration. Give yourself some time to think about what went wrong. Take the necessary steps to resolve the conflict. Avoid social media. It is tempting to turn to the internet when you are upset with someone. Remember that your anger will eventually go away, but what you post online is much harder to remove. If you need to get out your frustration over what happened, try writing it in a notebook or journal instead, where no one will see it and you can say whatever you want. Have a conversation. Take time to reflect on what happened. Find a good time to talk to your friend once you have both had some time to think. Make sure that you are free of distractions and feeling calm when you do meet up. Try saying, “Hey, I’m sorry things are tense between us. I really want work past this. When is a good time for you?” Acknowledge feelings. Acknowledge both your own feelings and your friend’s feelings. Maybe one or both of you felt hurt or offended. This will help you understand why the conflict happened in the first place. For example, you might say, “I felt angry when you brought up my dad because we’ve been having a lot of fights. Now I see how I made you upset when I made fun of your sister.”

Show empathy. It’s usually easy to understand your friends when you agree on the same topic. You probably became friends because of the things you have in common. In any relationship, however, there are disagreements. Get past disagreements by showing that you understand your friend’s perspective. Put yourself in your friend’s shoes. Both you and your friend should attempt to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. To do this, you both have to communicate your honest feelings about the situation. Maybe you were feeling down because of a fight you had with your parents. Maybe your friend is sensitive about his sister’s disability. Try to see the situation from his perspective.

Be honest. Maybe your friend invited you to an event, but it’s not really your cup of tea. It is okay to put your needs first, and graciously decline the offer. After all, it won’t be fun for either of you if you really don’t want to be there. Try saying something positive before and after you decline. For example, “It’s so nice of you to invite me on the hiking trip. Unfortunately, I won’t make it. My allergies are bad and I’m not a huge fan of camping. But let’s plan another trip for next month!”

Keep the lines of communication open. Confront the little things right away. Friendships can get complicated, especially if you have a large group of friends, or if you are simply a part of a big community at school or work. Even the small things, like feeling left out, can put friendships to the test. Express yourself without adding drama. If a friend posts pictures that make you feel left out, try letting her know without resentment. For example, “Oh man, I wish I had gone to that party. It looked like you guys had so much fun.”

Maintain friendships. Everyone gets busy, and sometimes schedules, distance, or other obstacles mean you can't see your friends as often as you'd like. Let your friends know you are thinking of them by checking in occasionally — send a text to say hello, that you were thinking of the person, or even just a funny gif you think your friend would like. Don't always rely on your friend to invite you places or make plans. Be sure you are also initiating hanging out.

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